Beneath the Surface..

It’s a October 6th and just like any other work day I hit the snooze button 3 times. Force myself out of bed and made myself look half decent in a short amount of time as possible, yes, I’m one of those people who get up at the last minute. So away I go packing a light snack for the shift ahead & pour my tea into my thermos to go.

It Was not just Another day

When I arrived at work it became clear things were different this day. Do you pick up on people’s energy? good and bad?, some call it telepathic, some call intuition, for me I see it as a gift from God. It’s a gift because it warns me of “danger ahead” and also prepares me mentally and emotionally ahead of time. The downside of this is if I’m not right spiritually, it can cause me anxiety and that anxiety can come across as hyper sensitivity. Regardless, I can see and pick up on things people don’t even realize. This gift has been both a blessing and a curse in my life.

There had been a silent storm brewing over the last several months. Coming to work was no longer a place people wanted to be.

It was 6:30pm that Tuesday evening in October and my day at work ended on a bad note. The next several weeks would be a time of complete brokenness and rebuilding. It would be the deepest pit of anxiety and depression I had ever experienced.

At the end of that day, I decided to clear my mind and go for a drive to Mississauga and pick up some Krispy Kreme donuts(don’t judge :)), nothing clears the mind like a delicious raspberry glaze donut right? That would be the last drive I took for several weeks.

What Happened?

As I pulled out of the parking lot, a sudden wave of heat and perspiration began to flood over me and a feeling of passing out along with insane heart palpitations. By this point I remember thinking, I’m going to die. I had to pull over my truck on the side of the highway (I don’t know where) and I didn’t know whether to call 911 or my husband or just let go and realize this was it. Yes, thats how bad whatever was happening made me feel like. At one point I called out to God and said, ok God, if this is it, here and now, let it be your will, and right after that I hunched over my steering wheel and started to take one deep breath at a time.

The Gunk was coming to the Surface

I did make it home that night in one piece and thankfully I am alive to tell the story. But there was a long road ahead of rebuilding and restoring what I had lost, not just over the last several months but years as well. My work situation was the catapult to long road to recovery. I’m still not there yet.

Maybe you are in a similar situation or have been for a while. There is something brewing deep down inside you but you can’t put your finger on it. It keeps you up late at night, it causes you to binge, maybe drink, maybe do drugs. It’s like an elephant sitting on your chest, you know your alive because you can feel the pain of the elephant sitting on you, you see the elephant, you know it’s not good, BUT you can’t move, you don’t know what to do. I want to help and share the tools I am using to get mentally stronger again.

Good news

The Stigma of Depression | Talkspace

I’m here to tell you that you can RISE above your past, your current circumstances and the anxiety of the unknown of tomorrow. It does take a lot of work and it takes consistency, but with the right tools in your hand & some good support, you can make it through whatever you are facing.

Almost two months later since that horrible event, I am coming out into the light again. With persistence, determination and support from my husband and friends and most importantly, my God. I am confident that this storm is slowly passing.

The Tools to RISE from the Ashes

Research is one of my strengths, if I don’t know something I will dig deep and find an answer to my questions. It was no different with this bout of anxiety and depression. It took several weeks to want to even get out of bed, but when I knew it was either MOVE or be still & give up, I knew I had to move.

I want to share with you the first tool I came across on my journey back to a healthy mind. There are two brothers from Australia; one is an ex-depression sufferer, the other a counsellor disenchanted with the current mental health industry. The name of the organization these two brothers built is called the The Depression Project I highly recommend it.

I’m not even sure how it came up but this resource helped me a lot and the best is it was free. I have battled with depression off and on since childhood and this has to be the first tool I’ve used that actually helped me.


If you want to know the greatest tool I had to make it through, it was God. Believe me when I say, he is familiar with suffering. He knows the crushing pain of the elephant. Yes, Yeshua, felt that pain when he drank from the cup of wrath. But I’m not here to convert you, only to tell you that God was and is my greatest source of strength. He can be yours too. I’ll just leave that here.

Physical Exercise

Not much else to say about this tool for overcoming depression and anxiety except that IT WORKS! You don’t have to join a gym or start lifting heavy weights, however, you must walk every day outside for at least a half hour, an hour is recommended but hey, I just wanna encourage you to get out and move.

Here’s an article on the benefits of exercise for your Mental health

A couple last things I’d like to share that have helped me. Sleep! This is a big one, without the right sleep our mental health is immediately in jeopardy. If you have issues with sleep, speak to a naturopath for natural aids. Also you can checkout sleep foundation for more tips.

The eyes are the gateway to the soul. Be aware of what your watching and feeding your soul. Right now, avoiding the news is probably one of the first healthiest stores you can take to better mental health. There’s nothing positive anymore.

Many things I’ve mentioned you may be familiar with but I hope that you have found at least one thing helpful in this blog. I’m always willing to take a chance on talking about mental health. I’m not scared of what people think and I believe it’s time we start talking and doing more about it.

If you need immediate help or you are feeling hopeless please reach out and call this number Find help

Your Brain on Food

Did you know you know you have a second brain? Stay with me ok.

Sadly, some of the things I’m about to share with you may be the first time you’ve heard it. There is some amazing research going on in the background to the connection between the foods we eat and our mental health. We already have a pretty good idea of what happens to our bodies physically when we eat bad foods or not enough of the good ones but what if you were told that you could help slow down or improve symptoms of your loved ones dementia. What if instead of taking a purple pill for acid reflux that all you had to do was include certain foods into your diet and exercise. What if women who suffer with poor cognitive memory, depression and anxiety from hormonal changes or stress could significantly lower their symptoms by eating the right foods and exercising.

The Second Brain

With advances in science around mental health and the connection to the food we eat, doctors, the government and scientists should be shouting it from the roof tops! But, sadly you will have to take the power into your own hands and do your own research because as long as pharma is around, the discovery of food as medicine will never win a Nobel Prize.

So, where is your second brain? you ready? it’s in your GUT, that’s right, your gut(intestines) are the spark plugs to your brain just like the spark plugs are to the engine in your car. Just like the brain has neurotransmitters and nerve cells, so does your gut. The ENS(enteric nervous system, intestines) is the part what controls the digestion system in your gut, it’s also impacted by what’s going on in your brain.

The gut has more than 100 million nerve cells, that’s enough to make you go hmmm. The gut tells our brain whether we’re hungry or not by the hormones that run through the blood stream. Now recently, a study found a new set of pathways that use gut cells to rapidly communicate with the brain stem. If you look closely you will see the “vagus nerve” going all the way down to the ENS system (intestine).

This just blew my mind when I read about this and the strong connection between the two, our gut and our brain. That’s why scientists and researchers will call your gut the “Second Brain”.

Fight or Flight

So now that we know that the vagus nerve connects the brain stem to the abdomen now what? This really is a huge scientific discovery and I could make this blog a book, but hey, thats where I got my information. More and more doctors and naturopaths are sharing these findings in books being written on the subject of gut and brain health. If you’ve ever heard the term, “leaky gut” thats all tied into this research.

The SNS (sympathetic nervous system) which controls the flight or fight system also controls our digestive system. Believe it or not when you are suddenly faced with a fight or flight scenario your digestive system SHUTS DOWN. The SNS system signals the vague nerve to be disrupted and digestion all down the line gets disrupted. If this disruption takes place too often we can end up with a slew of problems from heartburn, IBS and acid reflux to serious life threatening diseases when chronic conditions remain unchecked. This also keeps our bodies from absorbing important nutrients. So where does this all take us and what do we need to do to avoid ending up in a predicament like this over and over?

Stress Management & Mindful Nutrition

These last several months like many of you I have experienced unusually high levels of stress and anxiety. For the first time in years my appetite changed drastically. I’ve basically had no appetite and if I did, I didn’t crave the usual plate of healthy plant based meals & snacks, rather it was potato chips, french fries and donuts. The science behind this is that sugar releases serotonin levels in our brains and makes us feel better. The problem however with emotional eating is the feeling of relief only lasts temporarily until the feeling of the threat(stress) is gone. In many cases the stress(chronic) or triggers in our lives do not go away for a long time and turning to junk food to manage emotional stress is for obvious reasons not healthy. Thats another topic for another day.

The GOOD NEWS is we have the power to choose the right foods to eat to allow our gut and brain to work together in harmony. Stress is inevitable, however, it’s how we handle it that determines the negative effects it will cause to our bodies and minds. If we can manage stress with exercise, meditation, setting boundaries and eating the right foods, we can significantly reduce the risks of disease and slow down or reverse current conditions we may already have.

Click Ways to relieve stress

Have you ever heard of pepitas? I never heard of this term until i turned to plant based foods. It’s actually a another name for PUMPKIN SEEDS. You need to include these tiny super seeds into your diet. They are a triple threat to your gut and brain. Meaning, they have three times as much potassium, calcium and magnesium which all have these minerals are known to delay cognitive decline and boosting the mood. Need a pick me up? grab handful of these super seeds. Before bedtime is a good time as magnesium/calcium have been proven to aid in better sleep. Interestingly our bodies naturally store about 25 grams of magnesium. Sixty percent of that magnesium is stored in our skeletal system and the rest in our muscles, soft tissues and bodily fluids. Today our society has a huge deficiency in this mineral, not so much because were not getting enough in our diet(almonds, cashews, spinach), but remember earlier I wrote about the stress effect on our digestive system disabling our body to absorb nutrients?

Click for More in magnesium benefits and foods to include in your diet. Foods good for your brain.

Mindful Nutrition

So now that we know how stress can affect our gut and how our gut can affect our brain we can now make healthier choices in what we eat and how manage stress and anxiety. It’s important to know that stress and anxiety do differ but both negatively affect our brain and gut. People under stress experience mental and physical symptoms, such as irritability, anger, fatigue, muscle pain, digestive troubles, and difficulty sleeping. Anxiety, on the other hand, is defined by persistent, excessive worries that don’t go away even in the absence of a stressor which can lead to the same symptoms as stress if not properly managed.

If I told you today that the right foods could fight some of your ailments like acid reflux, IBS, relieve symptoms of depression, slow down the decline of your memory, reverse digestive and gastrointestinal issues would you try? I always say that getting healthy isn’t always about cutting out all the bad food, its about including the good ones. Here are some great foods to add to your weekly grocery list. One day at a time, one change at a time can make all the difference in our life or someone that you love.

“To keep the body in good health is a duty, otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear~Buddha”

When the Temperature Rises

What is the condition of your heart? With the changing times has it made your heart hard? Has it softened your heart, has it made your heart anxious?

Regardless of what you believe in during these times of a pandemic, whether you believe masks save lives or they are all part of a bigger story. Whether you believe that the virus exists or it’s the beginning of a new world order, it’s time we step back and really examine what is it God wants us to know and do in this uncertain time in the world.

If we have faith in the God of Abraham, Isaac & Jacob and wait for the battle between the prince of this world & Yeshua, we must not lose our faith & allow our hearts to become hardened & bitter. This is NOT the will of God for our lives.

We must stand strong, brave & united with the Holy Spirit. We must take up our spiritual armour & be prepared to fight on our knees all while keeping our joy and peace. Not the joy necessarily of laughter, but a joy deep down in our soul that rejoices constantly. Not peace that man gives but the peace of God that passes our understanding, despite the despair & sadness in the world that surrounds us.

Coming Clean

True reflection of our hearts & soul are paramount to picking our battles in this earth. Recently it was the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur, the day of repentance, prayer and fasting. A somber time of reflection of the sins we have committed, knowingly & unknowingly. It’s a time to make things right with those you have either wronged or those who have wronged you. It’s a time of denial of self. No easy task. But by the sacrifice of Yeshua,(Jesus Christ) our High Priest we can know that God will cleanse us from all sin. Not by our good works, but the price Yeshua paid. Death.

Refiners Fire

During Yom Kippur I thought of a song called Refiners Fire;




This song needs to be sung with great humility & reverence. It is not just a song but a declaration to God, our Heavenly Father. When we ask these things, we must realize God will willingly do for you what you ask when the purpose is to refine us as individuals, that is Gods will for our lives. God will turn up the fire in your life to burn off those things which are corrupt & hindering our relationship and purpose with Him. That even means the worldly things, like a pandemic. Yes, even that. God has not been caught by surprise of the current situation in our world. God is omnipresent and omniscience, He has SUPREME POWER, always has, always will. Gods purpose in all this is to refine us even more as we prepare for Yeshua’ return.

Make me like you in my afflictions

The Power of Fire

Have you ever wondered what happens when a forest fire takes place? I never knew until recently just how important forest fires can be under the right circumstances.

Forest fires release valuable nutrients stored in the litter on the forest floor. They open the forestcanopy to sunlight, which stimulates new growth. They allow some tree species, like lodgepole and jack pine, to reproduce, opening their cones and freeing their seeds. There is a sacrificial piece to this though, many species will die in this process, The old will die to make room for the new.

Isn’t that familiar to the message Yeshua taught. Yeshua said we need to die in order to gain life. Die to what? Our sinful nature. Our ways. Our corrupt desires. When we die to our old nature, only then can we experience the new birth in Yeshua fully and completely. Then and only then can we begin to even remotely resemble any holiness in our lives. Without God it is impossible.

Dance in the Flames

Thankfully the refiners fire as we understand it is only symbolic, if it we’re real, unless by a supernatural miracle like Old Testament history, we would die. The Refiners Fire however, brings us life in the symbolic death. So yes, all hell can be breaking loose and we can still dance with joy.

Flesh that won’t Burn

In recent months not only have I witnessed believers lose their faith or compromise their peace, myself included, I have witnessed, an anger that does not stem from righteousness necessarily but from control or the lack of it. This is not the will of God for our lives. Does that mean we do not fight for our freedoms & rights as citizens in the land, not at all, God is not a God of passivity. God had men take down thousands of armies & destroyed cities by plagues & fire. There are times we are called to fight in the physical just like King David, but we must remember our greatest way to win battles is by prayer and fasting. Allowing Yeshua to intercede on our behalf before God.

We must die to what the flesh wants.

Trust God

No matter where we find ourselves in the midst of all that is happening in the world, we must not lose our hope. The hope that only comes from God. If we declare that we have hope and faith to the world, than we must execute that in public as well as behind closed doors. We cannot lash out, we cannot mock, we cannot ridicule, we cannot respond in anger, we cannot cuss, we cannot strive with those who are blinded by the prince of this world, we cannot manipulate, we cannot hate.

The world is watching, some are sent by demonic forces to steal our testimony & to mock God, some are sent to find the truth we have and some are sent to teach us.

Let the Joy of your Salvation be your Strength

Keeping your Peace

When Seasons Change

Like most people in the world today, I feel like life has become a bad Hollywood script that I wish would end sooner than later. Changing times are inevitable and if we don’t learn how to adjust and maneuver through it, we risk all that we have fought so hard for, our peace.

It seems since covid hit the scene that so much has not only changed already but everyday things continue to change. It’s hard to know from day to day what the new “rules” are & how to navigate them. One day we’re told masks are useless to now where were told we will get a $500 fine if we don’t wear one.

Proper Perspective vs Media

Pre-covid (did I even just type that?), I watched CNN, HNN, and read many news articles from local newspapers, but after observing and doing some research during the recent lockdown, I came to learn that the mainstream media is nothing but a pawn for politics & those with power & a whole lot of money. Now, bear with me here before you start calling me a “conspiracy theorist”, trust me, I’m one of those, avoid conflict at all costs, kind of people BUT one thing I am, is a woman of justice, and after some long over tired nights of research I began to see that some things just didn’t add up with covid and there were many other shady things that just didn’t make sense. And so my digging began & life became disheartening.

Conspiracy Theorist vs Critical Thinker

It’s strange to say that covid had any kind of valuable purpose with all the trauma, anxiety, depression, financial turmoil, sickness and other traumatic effects, but truth is, it did for me. In a strange kind of way.

When covid first started I was worried for my mother and I believe that this was a very deadly disease and that many people I knew would die. That’s what media does, they blow up the “story” 100x bigger to not only control & manipulate their audience but to get the ratings they so desperately need.

So for obvious reasons, when I heard about the healthcare workers who took care of my mom weren’t wearing any masks and jumping from patient to patient, I left work for a period of time so that I would become her full time caregiver.

When I wasn’t with my mom I had time to start doing some research on statistics with covid cases and numbers and well, things just didn’t add up. Then, things went deeper as I began to research the political world in the US and I began to come across some very disturbing details that were linked to many politicians (Canadian & American),and actors. It wasn’t information I wanted to think or hear about, but I’m glad I did and THAT was one of the purposes covid served me.

The Rabbit Hole

Needless to say, I started going down a rabbit hole that almost 9 months later I haven’t crawled out of and I don’t suppose I will anytime soon, as evidence and research just keeps building a stronger case for some really crazy things that will eventually start to unfold. Anyways, I want to stay on point and stick to the subject of this blog.

Truth can be a hard pill to swallow for many of us, it’s easier to stay comforted by the old and familiar rather than think critically, I know, I was one of those people. If I had to choose a movie character of my personality, it would have to be two, Joan of Arc & Pocahontas. I can vibe with the hippy flower child & I can battle with the patriots. It depends on the circumstances to be honest and with recent events I weigh way more on the Joan of Arc side.

Keeping my Peace

In saying all this, it brings me to the fact that through everything, I have lost a lot of my peace that I once had. Anxiety has come back with a vengeance & some days I wish I didn’t do all that research. I guess there’s some truth behind that old saying, “what you don’t know won’t kill you”. My peace has always been my priority in life. I’ve faced & gone through worse stuff than what’s happening in the world right now, but the truths of humanity has really got me low.

Gods Peace, not the worlds

That’s why I’ve decided to start writing again. It’s a therapy for me along with exercise and therefore I won’t put it off any longer. Everyone has something to say and it’s not that one blog is better than another, it’s a matter of who the reader is & what they can relate too. So if you don’t relate or agree with my thoughts, that’s ok, but if you want to get to know me, or wonder where I’m at, hang on, cause it’s been a crazy ride.

Stay Strong!

As I navigate life during this time, I hope my blogs can bring you a little hope, some inspiration and maybe even some laughs.

Whatever path you find yourself on right now, I pray you choose to allow it to bring restoration, resolve, hope and more love in your life. You can be a warrior & a lover at the same time. It’s absolutely necessary that we never allow our circumstances to harden our hearts & to take our peace.


From Darkness to Light…

In Times of Isolation

It’s hard to believe that it’s been over two months since the emergency “stay at home” orders were put in place during this global pandemic. I’ve been thinking a lot about writing again, a book I started 5 years ago, but I got busy baking instead. I learned how to make pretzels, Challah, carrot cake and chickpea vegan burgers (I’ll post the recipes eventually:). In these recent days of isolation however, something strange started happening,  a feeling of familiarity started to hit me. I encouraged myself to go back to my book (the whole 2 chapters, sigh)and share a bit wth you. Maybe someone can relate & if anything it will remind you that there is a light in the darkness.


The Joy in the Shadows

Life seemed somewhat normal to me growing up, at least in my own world, I really didn’t have much to compare it to as I spent much of my time alone as a child. I had an older sister but we were not your typical sisterhood sisters, we were very different in many ways and our up bringing didn’t make it easy for us to connect. The truth was my parents were too wrapped up in their own conflict to even notice we were there most of the time. My dad was a workaholic & my mom sadly suffered from mental illness. Being grounded was also a common punishment in our home, and it wasn’t like todays grounding, it was solitary confinement. I learned at a young age to be very selective with friendships as I would need very understanding friends who would still be there weeks or months after being grounded, it made it difficult to build healthy social skills. For the most part, I enjoyed the world I had created for myself, it was quiet, comforting and had no drama or bullying; just me, my cat, my colouring books & my barbies. I made it work & I was content.

The In-Between

By the age of 12, things took a dramatic turn in my family’s life, I had lost my big sister who left home to try and figure out life as young vulernable teenage girl. Despite the lack of a deep rooted sisterhood, I was very devastated. I remember crying & feeling so unsure of the future & what I would do without her there. When push came to shove, my big sister always had my back, I felt sorry for Karen(a bully), my sister fixed her up real quick.

About a year later after my sister leaving, my dad and mom had decided to get a divorce after many years of conflict. I was in the middle of grade 7 and it didn’t take long before I found myself spiralling down a long dark tube. I had never felt more alone and insecure about life. Looking back now, this feeling of uncertainty was the beginning of a long road of depression and anxiety.divorce

None of my friends at this time had experienced divorce with their parents, it was still fairly rare in the early 80’s and so confiding in anyone seemed pointless in my eyes and I didn’t want to be judged or looked at differently.  Without any control anymore, my quiet, content little world I had created during isolation growing up suddenly turned upside down and things were never the same again.

Pushing Through

By the mid term of grade 8 my home room teacher contacted my mom and told her she was concerned for me. My grades went from average to very below average within weeks. The teacher explained if I didn’t get help I would not pass grade 8 and move on to High school. So with the amazing love and support from Mr.Childs, (EA), I started the awful battle uphill to pass grade 8 and thankfully got to graduate with my long time friends. A special thank you to all those teachers that make such a huge difference in the lives of children.

My emotions though with the separation of my parents and the struggle to fit in were beginning to seep through the surface and very few were able to see it.  There was still very much unknown about depression and anxiety and if a doctor showed any concern, the answer was short and simple; “it’s just stress”. In the meantime, things at home went from bad too worse with my mom. The pressures of High school started and my heart was becoming a hardened piece of rock,  and rebellion seemed the only path to take. I remember being locked out many nights and sleeping in a park or having my best friend sneak me into their house.  My  mom was moving on with her new life.  As far as I was concerned, I didn’t want to be there anymore and school wasn’t for me. By fourteen, I decided to go stay with my sister and found myself on a bus all the way to  Penetanguishene.

A Father’s Rescue


It was only one day I would spend at my sisters after running away from home. My dad drove over 300 km to come and take me home. His disappointment was blatantly obvious and I thought for sure I was gonna get a beating, but to my surprise, my dad had become a very different dad in the last several months during the separation. He simply asked why I ran away & then proceeded to tell me he was going to fight to get custody of me. Within one year I moved to a new small town with my dad in a tiny house and started a new life. What I didn’t know was this small town would be the beginning of a very dark path.

One day strolling in the house drunk on a weekday morning at 5am, my father told me that if I don’t stop drinking  I would become a “piss pot”, as hard as those words were to hear, they were very timely and I began to think of where my life was headed at nineteen years old.  I was a high school drop out, depressed and an angry young girl who escaped death on a few occasions by making foolish decisions and I knew this was my wake up call! It was time to leave this small town and head for the big city and find new hope.

The Light in the Isolation

Many years later I did find that NEW hope, I opened up my heart to Yeshua(Jesus) and asked Him to be the Lord of my life. My life was never the same again. I am still on that journey today and I still have that little world I built as a young girl, however, now God lives there with me too. He is the light whenever the darkness comes.

One thing is true, no matter how dark your life may seem right now, there is HOPE. There is a Light that waits to bring you peace & strength in the struggle, that LIGHT is Yeshua, (Jesus Christ).

In my darkest lowliest hour, God sent His love to rescue me, he didn’t force a religion on me, he didn’t threaten me with hell,  he simply said, “here I AM, I was with you all those years you thought you were alone, I was the contentment in the storms of your childhood, I was the peace in your midst when all hell was breaking loose.” BUT, I had to wait for you to stop being self sufficient, I needed you to open up the protected world you built & let me show you that TRUE love exists, that your life has a purpose and plan. I needed you to make me Lord, Yehovah, over your life, if you didn’t choose too, I would let you be, for I do not force anyone to invite me into their life.

Yehovah says, “I do long to be there with you, to love you, to support you AND to be the LIGHT in your darkness all I ask in return is to spend time with me, commune with me, keep my commandments, study my Word to know who I AM and NOT who “man” says I am and finally, desire those things that are holy, righteous and true.”

John 1:5 The LIGHT shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.



The Hydroxychloriquine (Plaquenil) & Covid-19 Dilemma

One month ago a precious woman I follow on IG Young Beauty shared some interesting scientific research she did on a drug called “hydroxychloriquine” otherwise known as Plaquenil. (look it up on IG for detailed explanation under her stories-COVID-19).

She was on to something before many had even heard of this drug.
She did a detailed illustration of the cellular structure & how it works in conjunction with zinc to penetrate the nuclear wall & how the US government was in talks about using it as a COVID-19 treatment.

Surprisingly a week later the FDA pushes through clinical trials by way of an “emergency approval”
in the US & Canada. (Week of March 15th).

The day I watched her explanation about the combination of zinc and hydroxychloriquine by prescription and the benefits of zinc, I went to my natural health food store and ordered 4 bottles of the zinc I take regularly for my plant based diet. (Been taking this supplement for over a year).

By no surprise, my zinc has not come in yet and it’s been four weeks-the customer service rep even told me that was unusual. Well not really, because the world has caught on that clinical trials have already started in many parts of the world with success. (I’ve already researched it and it’s out there, do your research).

You will not find zinc anywhere right now, in fact even two weeks ago I checked amazon and NOTHING!

So I tweeted our government today to give us some feedback on what’s happening with hydroxychloriquine in Canada as I personally have not heard anything. So of course I did some digging myself tonight and came across an interesting article in the National Post.

It turns out that out of four of the manufacturers that make the medicine in Canada, three have no stock & the one has “very limited” stock. How could that be when were not even hearing about clinical trials in Canada except for Alberta which is just underway as of recently.

It also happens to turn out that, well, I’ll let you read the article National Post Here’s just a couple paragraphs that seem a little disturbing;

The Alberta College of Pharmacists, another regulator, said it has received reports of physicians prescribing hydroxychloroquine for ” ‘office use’ to themselves, to family members and when there is no accepted indication (i.e., treatment of COVID-19 infection).”

Pharmacists in Ontario also received prescriptions “for office use.” It was unclear whether those physicians wanted a supply to dispense to patients — when many clinics were closed — or for themselves and family, said Allan Malek, chief pharmacy officer with the Ontario Pharmacists Association.

This is absolutely disgusting to think this could even be a possibility. So now it is no longer a question of giving us some feedback on clinical trials BUT, accountability and proper management of prescription drugs in the hands of those with power.

One more disturbing fact, people with Lupus and Rheumatoid arthritis are in need of this drug and are having a hard time getting it now.

Jesus is Beautiful

It’s 12:45am on a Saturday night and as I lie in my bed to shut down for night, I take that one last glimpse at Facebook to see if by chance I’ve missed any messages from a client. I do not have the messenger app so I go through my FB newsfeed and I come across a post from a beloved sister, Hazel. It’s a song, I thought to myself this will be the perfect night cap. I didn’t even get to my messages, once I placed in my headphones and pressed play, that was it, I slowly entered into a renewed awareness of my Heavenly Father and my sweet Jesus & all that He has seen me through over the years.

Recently I watched an old DVD of my oldest sons first four years.(he’s 18 now). As I watched the video something deep down inside began to shift inside of my soul, I realized I had been an amazing mom & that I still am years later.

Challenges couldn’t stop me

Despite many obstacles I faced during those child rearing days, the loss of a father, loss of an aunt, two premature births, loss of a career, financial hardship, moving in with an aging parent with a disability…..there was something I remembered as I watched these videos, the GRACE of God was showering all over me those days.

Because of my blessed & tender relationship with Jesus, He gave me the ability to RISE above all the obstacles. He taught me to love my precious babies with such a full heart of LOVE that I forgot I had over all these years. My children, my boys were my life and they are my life now, but I am learning to slowly release them back to Jesus so that they can walk their own path with Him now. It’s one of the most difficult seasons in life, letting your babies develop into the man God is calling them to be & you know what? There’s no better person than Jesus to entrust them too.

Dear mommas with little ones, lean on Jesus for everything, your motherhood, your relationships, your short comings, your storms, your marital relationship, ALL that you are. Many of these days will be a blur and they will speedily pass by, learn to let go of the small stuff, TRUST Him even when it doesn’t make sense. He is there with you precious momma and He loves your babies even more than we can, yes, it”s true, even more than us. Know this, you are doing a great job! No one else was entrusted without your babies, ONLY you.

Tonight, the words in that song echoed to me, BEAUTIFUL JESUS! Holy Spirt won’t you come & cover me in LIGHT… the stars coming out & filling my night…the glory of your promises YOU make wrong things RIGHT….BEAUTIFUL JESUS…my glorious friend, the One who never grows weary & stay to the end, OH HOW I LOVE YOU!


What’s Your WORD for 2020?

Can you believe it?

Tonight as I sat on my couch binging Netflix documentaries, I realized it was pay day(been a little drugged the last 24 hours, (root canal pulled out) and I hadn’t paid the bills yet, oops! Then I checked the date AND I was like Wow! January is OVER!!!!

What the heck I thought to myself! I can’t believe it’s over and we’re headed into February; the month of LOVE ❤️

So the good news is I got my bills paid for another week.

MY WORD for 2020

So, a month ago I was sitting at home chilling with the hubby on New Years Eve & I remember the word; ACCEPTANCE rang so loud in my mind. I knew right away it was my WORD for 2020!

Acceptance is not often a good word in my vocabulary simply for the fact that I don’t like accepting many things unless of course they are good and beneficial for me.

However, it did make sense that that word would come to mind as I reflected over 2019 and realized that there were things I had to accept deep down in my personal life like never before. Like my marriage had not been the fairy tale story I anticipated as a little girl(no marriage is).

I also had to accept that at 48, my body and mind were going through some crazy hormonal changes as I entered into perimenopause.

I think the biggest battle in my mind was accepting the fact that my three sons were growing up and not needing me as much as they used too, especially the oldest my 18 year old. 

These things may sound trivial but until you reach your late 40’s your still pretty naive about life, it’s the monumental landslide of 50 just around the corner that makes you reflect more than ever as you realize and “accept” that you have already lived more than half your life.

Looking back and reflecting made me realize that I actually should be proud of myself to be in this place of ACCEPTANCE now, it took a year for me to get there and I’m finally here.

I’ve accepted with an open heart that LIFE no matter good or bad times cause us to grow & develop into who we are today and on January 31st, 2019 I celebrated the fact that I had overcome a lot of self doubt, sentimental, sometimes depressing days of wishing my sons were little children again who ran to hug me and give me kisses, questioning if I’ve been the best mom I could be, etc etc and the acceptance of aging with grace.

And lo and behold I ACCEPTED that life has seasons and life goes on and that I am a better person each year, so yes as hard as acceptance can be of certain circumstances in our lives, in the end, when we take a long look at what surrounds us and lives in our hearts, we realize that acceptance isn’t a bad word, it’s word of growth, learning, maturity and a whole lot of GRACE!

How to Lose the Weight of Losing Weight

Hold on! Before you close the tab on this blog let me explain what I mean.

Do you ever get tired of hearing,”want to lose weight?” “How to lose weight”, “weightloss secrets”, “eat this and lose 20 pounds”….I could go on forever about all the ads and posts about losing weight. To be honest I’m tired of it!

Does anybody want to be HEALTHY?! Why does society and media put so much emphasis on LOSING WEIGHT? Yes, losing weight can sometimes be a life and death situation as obesity contributes to stroke, heart disease, diabetes, and many other ailments BUT, what if we were to approach people in a way that would focus on their health in every aspect; mind, body and spirit.

Get off the Scale!

The first thing I tell people is to get rid of their scale for at least 2-3 months, I tell them to give it to a friend or give it to your significant other and have them hide it.

Have you ever heard a watched pot of water never boils? It’s sort of the same concept with jumping on the scale every week to see if you’ve lost weight, it can bring more discouragement then inspiration. If you want to have a true reflection of your results then get a measuring tape and track the following body parts on a weekly basis; bicep, chest, waist, hips, and calves.

You see, any workout program you start should have some type of resistance training which means toning & muscle strength depending on the amount of resistance/weight you use, you will either gain weight or stay the same and you will see no results on the scale. What will happen is you will begin to lose inches and usually your clothes will fit better.

Enough about that, I’ll leave that for a training blog.

Health & Vitality is the Bottom Line

For years weight loss has been the consistent marketing giant making millions of dollars off innocent people looking for an answer to their “weight” problems.

When I meet people for the first time or even those I’ve known a longtime, I don’t look at what’s in front of me. I don’t see the extra weight people carry, I don’t start thinking of what diet I could put them on & I certainly don’t sell or promote any weight loss programs. The first thing I want to do is to get to know you-YOUR story.

This is where true “coaching” comes in. If you care about people, you care about them, who are they? where do they come from? are they going through something difficult? Have they gone though trauma in their life? How do THEY see themselves? What are their favourite hobbies, what’s their favourite food? It’s seeing people as human, frail, insecure, scared of change, you know? Exactly like us.

It Starts in the MIND

The mind is a wonderful thing, God created our brains to think and to be creative. It also can serve as a limitless trail of unwanted thoughts & sadness. We have been given power over our minds and we do not need to let every little thought that pops itself in there to stay there, and we don’t have to allow every word or advertisement about weight loss deposit itself in our mind either.

When I met with my first client we met once a week for a month and I didn’t recommend a diet of any kind, I didn’t create a workout program, and I even didn’t take her weight or measurements. We simply met over tea & I got to learn about her more, who she is, where she comes from-HER story. I listened and didn’t say much, she had my complete attention. This is how coaching should be done.

“If you want people to value your leadership, you MUST values people”-John Maxwell. How true is this quote!

Giving people diet programs & even strict workout programs to lose weight before you even truly know them to me is not integrity, it’s strictly just a business to make money from people.

I don’t need to tell anyone who needs to lose weight that they need to lose weight, yes or no? We both know that is the case, however, no matter what program I put someone on, if the heart is broken & the spirit is crushed it will all be a TEMPORARY experience of heightened optimism that eventually will slow down & then eventually finish once a coach or personal trainer is out of the picture. A real goal is setting them up for success even after you are gone.

A great example is the gym, when a Personal Trainer meets with a client the first time (because it’s free)they get the client pumped up and excited after giving them the basics of using the gym and equipment. BUT if you want anymore advice or training it’s gonna cost you & BIG! So the client gets all excited makes themselves all these promises to get in shape and lose weight, and then one day, goes by, they miss , then 3 days, then 10 days and you get the point.

Why? because there was no emotional, or mindful connection with the staff at the gym and likely because they couldn’t afford the costs of a Personal Trainer. More than that though, it’s more likely the mindset of the person. No one has given them coaching on how they should change their mindset or the “how to.”

Speaking into someone’s life is an honour, if someone lets you in their world, consider yourself blessed, especially in the world we live in today. So many people are broken and do not trust anybody. Be careful with the things people share with you, it’s a huge responsibility. -just had to say that .

Size does NOT Measure someone’s Health

I have met unhealthy thin people and I have met unhealthy overweight people. I have also met healthy curvaceous women and healthy thin women. Yes, the two can coexist. Thanks to the breakdown of Body types we can learn that you can have curves and be healthy, you can be thin and healthy, and you can be tall without curves and be healthy. Bone structure, genes and your Biochemistry all have a part of how you look and respond to losing weight or getting into top shape as well what you eat and how many workouts you do, it’s a package deal. More on that another blog).

The key thing is, we need to STOP body shaming and putting pressure on people, especially women to “lose weight”, the ONLY weight a woman needs to lose in the beginning stages of getting healthy is the weight of society and they’re often times uneducated suggestions.

Getting healthy is a”one day at a time” experience. It’s about evolving as you age, as you go through life stages ie, pregnancy, menopause, health changes, unexpected/expected. It’s making small changes each week, each month and each year. It’s about making the changes necessary in your life in order that you may age strong and live with vitality while your here in this earth. It’s respecting the temple you’ve been given to live in temporarily. It’s teaching your children by example.

So let’s PUT OFF society’s standards when it come to our health & what we look like OR “should look like” and let’s start with self reflection, self appreciation right where we are, self love, education and understanding, compassion, and most of let’s start looking past the external and seek for deeper meaning of the internal to have longer lasting transformations.

Disclaimer: I do not encourage or support obesity. Obesity can lead to very dangerous sickness and disease and therefore can harm or even cause death.

If you are concerned about your health or feel you could be at risk for heart disease PLEASE speak to a General Practitioner as your first steps to wellness.

Me and my Olde English Bulldogge Tawnie

Stress, Sickness, Bloodwork & Miracles!

The Mind & Body Connection

Have you ever wondered why so many people today in our society suffer from so many digestive disorders with symptoms like bloating, nausea, abdominal pain, depression, anxiety& other ailments that leave people feeling frustrated with unanswered questions & diagnosis. Stomach and gastrointestinal issues if not taken care of sooner than later can show up later down the road as more serious conditions. Well, I consider myself to have just experienced and walked through some similar experiences and the end result has been interesting to say the least.

Personal Experience

The last 6-8 months I haven’t felt myself. My energy levels dropped significantly & in late September i started getting bloating that made me look six months pregnant. I was more irritable, anxious and more symptoms started to come and by the last three weeks I knew something was off, this wasn’t just perimenopause starting, this was something to do with my digestive system & stomach. Headaches, stomach pains, depression, anxiety, constipation, bloating, loss of appetite, fatigue & flatulence became a daily thing. This affected my energy so much that my workouts had taken a back seat. I just simply didn’t have the energy or “get up and go” I’ve had the last several years. Something was wrong.

Up until 3 weeks ago I had blocked out these symptoms and wrote it off as hormonal disturbances (which it still could be a part of it)and just lived with it until one of the symptoms raised concern; nausea. This nausea would come and go three times a day. I also had a cold just before Christmas Eve & I had the inability to also chew on the right side to recently find out it was a “failed” (cracked) root canal due to inappropriate treatment. This of course lead to infection.

All of this combined just sucked the life out of me. I wonder if you can relate at all?

The Connection

So, after forty eight years you get to learn your body and you begin to pick up on things so much faster & know when things aren’t right. You also should know by now that getting the proper tests and seeking medical care & holistic care are more important than your pride.

After the nausea hit that was the final straw, I decided to seek out professional guidance, not google😉, which I’m guilty of too.

I’m in the process as I write this to getting some answers and one of them turns out to be STRESS….back in October I had a significant loss, my fur baby Max had passed away under what seemed to be sudden circumstances(congestive heart failure). It was more traumatic than what I ever thought it could be, he was my first dog and I was the one who had to make a last minute decision under pressure(which I am glad I did as it turns out).

Your Brain on Drugs…..remember that Commercial?

There is something lurking in today’s society and can be just a dangerous as taking drugs if left unchecked for too long, it’s the effect of stress on our bodies, especially our organs and digestive system. Don’t get me wrong, our bodies need stress from time to time, and there is a good stress it’s the “eustress” like when your on a rollercoaster or performing in a play in front of hundreds of people. It’s when your pulse quickens and your hormones surge but there is no real threat or fear of danger. This stress is good because it affirms we are alive & we feel excitement about that.

Emotional stress that stays around for weeks or months, eg, the loss of a loved one, divorce, abuse or neglect, these types of stressors can weaken the immune system.

So as I did some personal research (which the doctor told me to do 😉) I‘m almost 100% sure this is where all my symptoms have come from-Stress & poor eating as I share later in the blog.

Check out this list of symptoms from emotional stress;

Low energy.


Upset stomach, including diarrhea, constipation, and nausea.

Aches, pains, and tense muscles.

Chest pain and rapid heartbeat.


Frequent colds and infections.

Loss of sexual desire and/or ability

Now keep in mind, you don’t have to have all these symptoms to have stress. Depending on the “stressor” different people have different abilities to cope with stress, and typically those who have consistent good health habits like daily meditation, good nutrition, daily exercise & healthy relationships tend to recover better.

Elimination Process

Last week I made the decision to get help and my first appointment was some in depth blood work and a bacteria(H-Pylori) breathe urea test.

Might I suggest if you having any health concerns that you start with a doctors visit for requisition for blood work….CBC(complete blood count), B12, Vit D, Bilirubin(jaundice), alkaline testing, blood protein testing, etc etc.

Ignoring symptoms will not have them go away, remember, serious disease and illness’ do not happen over night, many(not all) of them CAN be prevented if detected and treated in time.

Well, I am happy to say that ALL the bloodwork in my results can back amazing! Even my B12 and blood protein(for the nay sayers of plant based😉❤️). All my counts are smack dab in the middle. So for transparency I thought I would share my resorts without you below.

So all the blood work so far is good as I wait on the breathe test which can take up to a month as it is shipped out to British Columbia.

The next step would have been an endoscopy but this is where the miracle from my title of this blog comes in.

After Max had passed away, my eating habits changed a lot. I’ve never had that many fries as I had in the last three months than I did the last 20 years! Potato chips, donuts & white bread made a home in my belly for the first time in years.

After getting a cold, a root canal infection, and horrible gastritis issues for the last few weeks I knew I had to take responsibility for my part and that was changing my eating habits back to where I left off.

So within only one week of going on an anti-inflammatory diet, adding a probiotic daily, Betaine Hydrochloride acid that aids in digestion after taking the Home stomach acid test (I realized that I also do not have a high enough acidity in my stomach for proper digestion) my symptoms have all but gone away!

Now that I am eating healthy again those acid levels could change I will perform the test again in four weeks.

Prayer & Gods faithfulness

As a woman of faith you would think the first thing I would do is pray, well, I didn’t, I have a habit of taking matters into my own hands. And of course it can bite us in the butt after a while. It’s so much easier I know to put our trust in God and pray for results, but God has also given us the wisdom and free will to make the changes we need to in our lives to help ourselves, He is the coach in the corner cheering us on.

BUT never think He is not in the healing business still. God does heal & I can’t answer why sometimes prayer doesn’t work or the healing doesn’t come, I’ve been there too, I just know He is loving & has our best interests at heart 100% of the time. The other thing I do know is that when we make bad choices we have to live by the consequences, for me that meant my health.

I have no doubt though that when I reached out in prayer last week while having nausea, I haven’t had any symptoms since then. True story!

You see, God works with us when we work with Him. God did not create us as robots, how much love can I get from a robot? No, it’s like a dance with a partner, you take one step then the other takes the next step, HOWEVER, there has to always be a “lead”, and that’s God. So I did my part and He did His.

Compassionate Advice

I’ll leave this here and you can take it or leave it.

When it comes to your health only YOU, are in charge. Nobody else, not even your closet companion can yell you what’s wrong with you, you probably wouldn’t listen anyways, right?

You only get once chance to make the right decisions and putting off any health concerns you may have out of fear or pride, will only hurt you in the end, and potentially others.

If you are suffering from any ailments or symptoms you’ve never had before, NEVER, underestimate them or slough it off. The first thing I suggest is to make an appointment “in person” with a professional, whether a GP, a Registered Nutritionist or Holistic Practitioner(not you-tubers unless they are registered or certified).

Ask for bloodwork, this also goes for people who are changing their nutritional diet, ALWAYS make sure whatever diet you are choosing that YOU are getting the correct amount of nutrients for your body. Feeling good is not always an accurate “marker”. We are not all the same. My B12 and blood protein is perfect on a plant based diet but yours may not be.

Also, make the decisions according to your personal make up; exercise levels, genetics, body type, allergies, age gender, and doctors advice. Then empower yourself to make personal choices, try out different foods & workouts, know that one type doesn’t fit all, again, I can’t stress this enough but what works for one person may not work for everyone!

Final Words……

Alright, back to stress, please please include some self care in your life no matter what age you are. Self care is not just for us older folks, the earlier you start, the more you are prone to stick with it throughout your life, and listen your gonna need to know healthy coping mechanisms.

Meditate and exercise either cardiovascular activity for 30 minutes daily every day or resistance training 3-5 days a week, eat whole foods from the earth as much as possible. Build healthy relationships & deal with the toxic ones in a healthy and respectful way; cutting people off or not talking to them is NOT healthy(I’m changing that too). Whether relationships are bad or good, talking things out and practicing forgiveness ALWAYS does us better. It doesn’t mean we have to be a part of their lives, it simply is about putting boundaries. (Still learning here 💁🏼‍♀️).

I pray you have a blessed 2020 my friend and may your dreams and visions come to pass, if not this year, keep working on it!