An Empty Soul to Love

What is love? The one question I’ve asked myself time and time again. Yet, as the big 5-0 approaches I recently felt even further from finding the answer to that question as a series of events have unfolded in my personal life.

You would think with all my life experience behind me I would know better by now. Sadly, this is not the case. I’ve known anything BUT real love. The kind of love that sets your soul on fire. The kind of love that you can’t wait to be in its presence. The kind of love that stays up all night talking and cuddling. The kind of love that can argue and disagree yet do it respectfully and in a healthy way. A love that doesn’t hold you in contempt all the time. Love that sees your true worth and protects it. A love that will be there for you when you breathe your last breathe or face the worst tragedy in your life.

The Paths of Childhood Trauma

Does love inherently exists in our hearts? I believe pure love can exist during the tender years of birth to age 6. However, if those years were highly reactive, neglectful, physically abusive or manipulative, chances are you do not experience the true meaning of love.

There comes a price later on in life to the child who grew up like this. It can often go one of two ways. It can either make a child crawl inward and hide behind a false self image in order to protect itself from harm and danger in the future OR it can create empathy for those around us leading us into all sorts of trauma, risk taking, burnout, resentment, excessive worrying, controlling and terrified of intimacy, all this in seeking the approval of others around us, leaving us deeply wounded.

The Kiss of the Empath & the Narcissist

It was like God handed him down from the clouds. There I was sitting in church running the children’s ministry when this talk dark and handsome man dressed all in black strutted into the sanctuary. He had that kind of look of “here I am!”. What I saw was the man I prayed for. I had literally wrote in my journal of what I wanted in a man. Someone told me once, to write down my desires for a husband in a journal and pray for him. So I did. I prayed for a Spanish man, tall(not sure why I picked that, very rare will you find a tall Latino), I wanted him to have long arms that would wrap around me to protect me, he had to have a heart after God, he had to go to church, he would be a hard worker, he had to be attractive (not to sound shallow but there has to be an attraction, am I right?), he had to want children, he had to be brave and he had to be strong. WAIT!!!!! I forgot something, he had to have a HEART that knew how to LOVE.

Of all the things I prayed for in a man, I forgot to pray for a heart that could love. Love! How could I have forgotten the most important part of any human relationship? Of a potential husband? If I wasn’t looking for love what was I looking for? I’ve learned over the last several months what I was looking for was someone to “fix”, someone in need of being loved and cared for, not a mutual partner. I was looking for someone to take care of and seek approval for my efforts. Just-like-my mother-daughter relationship. I didn’t see it coming. The man I said “I do” too, brought me down to a level I would never understand until seven months ago. .

The Price of Loving an Imposter

Imagine you wake up one day and everything you thought you had known and loved was suddenly shattered to the ground beneath you. You have had a revelation of the truth and it rips you to your core. You always felt there was something wrong but your determination to make the best of your life trumped any doubts or intuitions that kept knocking at your hearts door for years. You believed all the “well meaning” words family members or clergy spoke over you and into your life; “love him unconditionally”, “pray for him”, “forgive him so that you shall be forgiven”, “divorce is a sin”, “its not the will of God to leave”, “love him to Christ”, “be a good godly woman”, “my brother would be dead without you”, “he needs you”. Or the perhaps it was the hoovering and manipulative words spoken by him directly to you, “I love you”, “I will change I promise”, “I’ll get closer to God”, “I’ll never do it again”, “I’ll get help” or perhaps in their true character when you tell them your leaving they say things like, “your unstable”, “your evil”, “your not a godly woman”, “your crazy”, “your selfish”. “Your practicing witchcraft”.

Even through all this, you kept telling yourself you can DO this! You pray a little harder, you read a few more self help articles, you join a ladies group, you give him even more pleasure, you cook his favourite meals, you sacrifice your time with family and friends and even your own children at times just to show him your love and commitment. BUT, it’s never enough but some how you find the strength to keep pushing yourself and fighting through the uncertainty of his love for you. The sleepless nights, the endless tears, the depression, the anxiety, the busyness, the distractions, the fatigue, and the heartache finally turns to exhaustion and a mental breakdown.

The Shock to the Soul

When we are facing continual emotional trauma over days, months and years it will eventually catch up to us and our body will begin shutting down. It’s the bodies natural defence when under attack for a long period of time. My soul had been shocked and my heart was broken.

The soul is the mental abilities of a living being made up of reason, character, feeling, consciousness, memory, perception, thinking, etc. The bible says in Proverbs 23:7 “so a man thinketh in his heart, so is he”. A man who thinks he is above reproach, a self sufficient being, the king of his castle, the best of the best, above others, grandiose, perfect, and a part of his own created false self image is a man of a prideful spirit and has no room in his heart for the things of God, mainly love. God is love. He created it and He gave it, unconditionally. It was these truths I’ve recently discovered through my own journey on the path with a narcissist.

The False Self Image

When we create our own image whether we “think” it’s good or bad, it conflicts with the image God created us in. If the image in our own minds does not line up with Gods image, it is a false identity and cannot be trusted. The sad part is some people who even profess to “know” God and to love Him, can so eloquently and convincingly have you believe that they are indeed a good person. It’s a trap and a highly manipulative game many people play. In fact many of them preach from the pulpits, lead the worship teams, and even spectate from the audience all while raising their hands and giving “sacrificial” praise to the God of heaven and earth.

It’s something that always puzzled me for many years, however, it’s something that man chooses for himself. He either surrenders his whole self to the heart of God OR he loves his life as a lie taking others down with him. It’s a path to a pit that is so isolating, cruel, cold, loveless, manipulative and evil. More than likely you are dealing with someone with NPD (narcissistic personality disorder). These are not people with narcissistic traits which most of us have to some degree or another, instead NPD is a very real and highly defective personality disorder that can destroy peoples lives.

As I find my way back to wholeness both from a destructive marriage and a traumatic childhood, I look to the One who has been the “lover of my soul” and who kept me through the flames of trauma and brokenness. Yeshua, lover of my soul.

Meditation…God or New Age?

A diagram of the Chakras (originated in India between 1500 and 500 BC) referring to the energy centers in your body. In Gods design we are more than merely physical beings. We are also spirit and soul. Proverbs 20:27 says, “The spirit of man is the lamp of the LORD, Searching all the innermost parts of his being.” The same word for lamp used to describe the spirit of man is Strong’s H5216 and is the word used to describe the lights of the lampstand (menorah) in the Tabernacle. “And thou shalt make the seven lamps thereof; and they shall light the lamps thereof, that they may give light over against it”
Pituitary – spirituality
Pineal – intuition
Thyroid – communication
Thymus – love
Pancreas – power
Ovaries/Testes – sexuality
Adrenals – survival
The Lampstand in the Tabernacle of God is a seven branched menorah. Oil was used to keep the lights burning continually. When pure light is refracted through clouds or a prism, we get different colors, or colored lights. We see these in rainbows and sunrises and sunsets. The energy centers located at the seven main glands of the body respond to, or are activated by, different color lights. Remember that we said that God is the Father of lights? Not just the Father of light, but lights…. Plural.

Is it New Age or Biblical?

Just the image or title of my blog may ward off some people, and understandably. For many years the topic of meditation, negative/positive energy, flow, quantum physics, spiritual awakening and other new age terms have been largely avoided by the Western Christian church. One is light and one is considered darkness or evil. This was a quick lesson I learned as a born again believer in Jesus Christ. If you mentioned yoga, awakening or meditation in church you were more then likely considered to be demon possessed. Yes, it’s sad but true. In fact if you believed or challenged anything biblically in the church I once went too, you were demon possessed or in sin. This legalistic, warped self righteousness is rampant in the western Christian world. It’s also ignorance, a lack of knowledge. It’s time we take back what was created by God(Yehovah) and for God.

My Spiritual Journey

Growing up in a secular home as a child sometimes made me feel left out in the church circle after my conversion to Christianity. Most of the people I first met on my spiritual journey with God were from a Christian home. Born and raised. For me, religion growing up was a 100% independent journey of discovery. My dad took us to church once and after he found out we bailed and went to an ice cream parlour instead, he told our mom that would be the last time we ever went. From the time I was 8(ish), I remember being intrigued by the martial arts and eastern philosophy like Taoism/Daoism, all thanks to those Saturday afternoon Kung Fu matinees and of course the amazing Bruce Lee. You know the those Chinese martial art movies with the English subtitles were the best. Men with pony tails and animal names like, Scorpion, Tiger and Dragon. Man, they could fight, and those flips & jumps, amazing! I often would try these stunts from the couch and I can promise you this, most times they were unsuccessful and not too mention, painful.

The Five Deadly Venoms 1978 King Fu movie

By the age of 20 I had joined a martial art class, specifically Karate. I went to the dojo regularly and practiced my Kata and worked on my sparring skills. I would enter my first Karate competition at 22 as a white belt, and with no white belts to fight, I eagerly chose to fight a yellow belt. I got second place. I also had invested in Bruce Lees book Tao of Jeet Kune Do and started my search for a school that taught this specific method of mixed martial arts designed by Bruce Lee. But soon to my surprise my spiritual life was about to have an overhaul.

Bruce Lee’s Martial Art was a mix of both Western and Eastern styles

My Conversion

At 24 a major shift happened in my life spiritually when I decided to say a prayer and ask the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob and the son of God, Jesus(Yeshua) to take over my life. And that He did. Yes, it was that simple. I slowly came away from the eastern philosophies and martial arts and poured myself into the Holy Bible and God. I couldn’t understand a word and to be honest I almost gave up a few times, the Thee, thous and thats were overwhelming. However, this life decision changed my course spiritually for the next 25 years and to this day, I still serve God & His son, Jesus. I will do so until the day I die.

“Born Again”
Jesus answered and said unto him, Verily, verily, I say unto thee, Except a man be born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.”
‭‭John‬ ‭3:3‬ ‭

Spiritual Growth & Truth

Just before 2020 when the world went to poop, I had started studying the Hebrew context of the Holy Bible. I’ll keep this part short but what I will tell you is it was a continued awakening for me prior to seven years before when I discovered the truth about Christmas that it had nothing to do with God at all and everything to do with paganism. Studying the Hebrew exemplified the false truths in the western church about God and the Bible. Many people are ok with these “inconvenient” truths BUT I was not. After being a Bible reader and church attender, I felt absolute betrayal and righteous anger for all the deception I had been led to believe for so long. My journey went deeper and I made my decision to step back from the western church. To this day I have no regrets and have never felt more closer to God than ever before. I began hearing from God and no longer the man made ways of the church and organization. The Bible for the first time became alive as the Hebrew roots taught me the proper interpretations of the word of God.

East meets West

For the longest time I felt like the word “meditation” or “awakening” was a bad word. It’s what I learned in church. I was taught only one language; christianese . The truth is the new age movement and many other religions have counterfeited the Word of God. Meditation was King David’s mantle and survival, frequencies in the human body are made from God. Our Creator is not a Higher Power, He is the power. The power of all.

If you have insight on both sides, the Eastern philosophies and biblical concepts, you can more clearly make the distinct difference. In Eastern or New Age spirituality, you are your own God. All that you learn and do is from “within” yourself. That “within” however which they leave out is the Holy Spirit. As a believer in God (Yehovah) and Jesus (Yeshua), we have the Holy Spirit leading us from within. Meditation is from God. It came from Him, all the way back to Adam. Meditation appears 23 times in the Bible, 19 in the book of Psalms alone. Interestingly, one scripture speaks of the “eye” of God.

“I will instruct thee and teach thee in the way which thou shalt go: I will guide thee with mine eye.”

Psalm 32:8 KJV

When I think of the “eye” of God, I think of the third eye that new age speaks about. It is invisible, wouldn’t Gods eye be invisible seeing as we cannot see God? Sounds like maybe Eastern spiritual practices took that from the Bible? New age says the third eye can bring about peace, spiritual growth and increased intuition (discernment?). I’ll leave that for you to study.

As I’ve made meditation a huge part of my healing journey from codependency and abuse, I’m connecting more to God and His vast spiritual canvas. He has enlightened me more and more. Whoops, that’s another word that was taboo in the church, “enlightenment”, yet it appears 31 times in the Holy Bible. Christianity uses the terms “revelation” & “conversion”. One religion calls it one thing and one calls it something else and even though New Age would consider itself a separate entity from religion, in reality, it’s not separate at all, just adjusted and distorted.

Gods enlightenment

Quantum physics, God or New age? I will not go into the depths of quantum physics as this is way out of my realm, in fact it’s still on an infant level in science. But one small connection with quantum physics and God is the fact of present energy. Quantum physics and God share one major thing in common, energies. The Universe which God created, is made up of energy. The invisible particles of energy which hold a chair together are the same invisible particles in the words we speak, why do we think Jesus spoke so much on the power of our words? Why is Jesus referred to as the “living word”? I could go on but I hope it inspires you to dig more into the topic of God, the Bible, science and Eastern religion, Judaism, new age and other spiritual practices. You will see most of it is a counterfeit of God & the truths of His word.

Quantum Physics

Keep God out of the Box

I continue to open the box that religion had God in. I meditate my way now whether that is through exercises, deep breathing, music, speaking to God, humming(connecting and healing the vagus nerve), essential oils, lamps, self awareness, reciting scriptures and visualization, etc etc.

I’m also more cognitive of what words I speak, do they emit low frequencies or higher frequencies, higher being healthy. I tap into the Empath part of me which God designed and I monitor the level of energy I give to others, careful not to drain my own energy. I protect my space, my own personal energy. How are we energy?. All matter and psychological processes — thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and attitudes — are composed of energy otherwise known as our soul. When applied to the human body, every atom, molecule, cell, tissue and body system is composed of energy that when superimposed on each other create what is known as the human energy field, designed and created by Yehovah. If you pick up energy off of people, this is a gift God has given you. You can call it intuition, enlightenment, revelation, awakening, etc regardless it is from God(Yehovah). If we were more attuned to our energy and accepted and believed that it comes from God, I believe God would freely give this gift to more people. Faith is the foundation of anything supernatural, one example being our human energy(molecules, cells and atoms) are all unseen. Again, the same molecules, atoms and matter that hold a chair upright and together are another matter of faith. When I sit on a chair I have faith that chair won’t collapse beneath me.

We are energetic beings designed for a purpose and with a divine plan. Sound new age? No, it’s what taking God out of the box sounds like.

It’s important to ask Yehovah for direction and guidance when practicing meditation and seeking spiritual truths. The devil comes with all kinds of counterfeits in the world. Satan often comes as a light many times. So use the wisdom within, the Holy Spirit, your teacher to lead you into all truths.

Drawing the Line in the Sand

Boundaries

In today’s society we are hearing more and more about codependency and it’s raw and damaging effects in every area of our lives, our families, our friendships, our work, even at the grocery store. So what is codependency?

Codependency is when a person will plan their entire life around pleasing the other person in the relationship, this could be a coworker, a friend, a husband/boyfriend, our children, or the enabler. In its simplest terms, a codependent relationship is when one partner needs the other partner, who in turn, needs to be needed. Sadly codependent relationships are unhealthy to the extent of emotional or physical abuse. The one who “needs to be needed” is the abuser and enabler. This is a recipe for disaster in our relationships and puts on a path of a never ending cycle of resentment, bitterness and the need to control. It’s a dysfunctional dance between two people.

The Endless Cycle

The Childhood Connection

If you are familiar with codependency and if you are a codependent individual, then you would know that this personality trait comes from your childhood and it was developed through childhood patterns and behaviours learned by our experiences with our parents and those around us who were primarily involved in our up bringing ie. brothers, sisters, close family friends, and involved family members.

Growing up in a home where mental illness was prevalent and having parents who were intertwined in a toxic dance I was set up in the path of codependency later on in adulthood. Parentification occurred (when a child or adolescent must take on the role of a confidante or mediator for (or between) parents or family members), at a very young age between my mother and I. She had severe mental health concerns that went undiagnosed for many years until her mid forties and this played a role in the early development of codependency in my life. I’ve recently discovered on my journey of self love and self awareness that my mother had high narcissistic traits which enabled her to to enable me. If your not aware of narcissism I highly suggest doing some research, you may be surprised to learn that you are either living with a narcissist in your relationship or perhaps you are working for a person who is narcissistic. Let me just be clear, comes on many levels and diagnosis, for more information on narcissism click here Narcissism.

My relationship with my mom had me anxious much of the time due to my relationship with her and wanting always keep her happy. Constant demands of cleaning the house, yelling, belittling, shaming and the constant separations between her and my father and her need to find consolation in me was the set up for a life of codependency in future relationships. There was many more things of course that contributed to this relationship dynamic between my mother and I but I will share that another day. The bottom line is, if we were unable to express our emotions and feelings as children for the lack of a healthy space to do so, and feeling guilty for thinking of our own personal childhood needs, chances are we are doing the same today in our current relationships.

The Cycle Ends Now

If we are codependent, what can we do to put a stop to the never ending cycle of codependency in our relationships? For me, it was first doing the research to find out if I was codependent or not. Finding a professional therapist or counsellor who is trained in codependency is also key. And once you begin to put the puzzle pieces together and realize this is a part of your being, it’s ACCEPTING your revelation. Many people cringe just hearing the word codependent, it’s almost like an insult or a bad word, however, in my own personal experience the last several months I could t be more happier to come to this discovery. It has empowered me to come to terms with dysfunctional relationships in my life and I have learned the tools to heal and finally overcome and dismantle the patterns and behaviours that come with codependency.

Be Free!

Free to be your authentic self

So where do we start to break the patterns of codependency? This is huge my friend, if you can do this you will slowly BREAK the patterns you’ve been repeating your whole life. It’s not easy, I can tell you it’s one of the hardest things I’ve hard to learn in my life going on 50. I highly suggest to all you younger people to find out now if your codependent. Take charge of your life and your peace now. Do not suffer needlessly if you don’t have too. It is hard work to undo unhealthy patterns we’ve adapted over the years but the longer you wait, the harder it will be and the sad part you may never be healed and you will continue to live a mediocre life of being a slave to everyone in your life, leaving you empty, burned out and resentful. This my friend is not way to live your life. We have been called to live abundantly and with joy. This does not mean free of trouble or worry, this joy I’m tasking about is one that comes from deep within you. Some may call it their higher power, I call Him Yehovah. Whatever you choose, choose life! Make a conscious decision to walk out healing, forgiveness and wholeness and freedom from codependency.

BOUNDARIES

I don’t have too many regrets but if there was one I had to choose as the most important, it would be not setting boundaries later in my adult life. I would not have the amount of inner work to do today had I set boundaries, especially in close relationships. It’s important not to carry guilt or shame for being codependent. It’s not your fault, it was your poor programming as a child. Please make sure that gets down on the inside of you. This is key in your healing and changing behaviour patterns.

So how what are boundaries and how to they help us heal and move forward to success and more meaningful relationships? The first thing is too realize YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR THE FEELINGS OF OTHERS. Please hear me on this one, if you continue to take responsibility for the behaviours of others and their feelings you WILL NEVER live authentically. You will be a slave. That may sound harsh but codependency in my eyes is simply defined as being a SLAVE. You are not true to yourself, you are only meeting the needs of others and not your own.

Listen, if we are to love others as we love ourselves, tell me how we are supposed to do that when we don’t take care of our needs and practice self love? It’s impossible. A codependent person may come across to others as sweet, giving, caring and selfless people, but the truth is, they are more often resentful and bitter because they are only “doing” and not “being”. They are on pilot mode most of the time meeting the needs of others, and becoming burned out, exhausted, depressed and anxious. It’s time learn to say NO my friend and DRAW THE LINE IN THE SAND, Then and only then can you become a genuinely caring and loving person to those around you BUT more importantly to yourself. When we make regular, healthy deposits into our own love accounts first, we will have enough for others to make withdrawals.

Here are a few boundaries you can put into practice now;

Physical boundaries protect your space and body, your right to not be touched, to have privacy, and to meet your physical needs such as resting or eating. They tell others how close they can get to you, what kind of physical touch (if any) is okay, how much privacy you need, and how to behave in your personal space. A physical boundary clearly defines that your body and personal space belong to you.

Emotional and Mental boundaries protect your right to have your own feelings and thoughts, to not have your feelings criticized or invalidated, and not have to take care of other people’s feelings. Emotional boundaries differentiate your feelings from other people’s, so you’re accountable for your own feelings, but not responsible for how others feel. Emotional boundaries also allow us to create emotional safety by respecting each other’s feelings, not oversharing personal information that’s inappropriate for the nature or level of closeness in the relationship.

Spiritual and Religious protect your right to believe in what you want, worship as you wish, and practice your spiritual or religious beliefs.

Financial and Material protect your financial resources and possessions, your right to spend your money as you choose, to not give or loan your money or possessions if you don’t want to, and your right to be paid by an employer as agreed.

Time boundaries protect how you spend your time. They protect you from agreeing to do things you don’t want to do, having people waste your time, and being overworked. This is critical in marriages and close friendships. The “people pleaser” is known to be codependent and saying yes all the time will only be resentment, anger and exhaustion. It steals your peace.

Healthy Boundaries

It’s important to know there is a healthy way to set boundaries. It must be done with kindness. In the beginning this will seem hard as you break out of your patterns. You will more than likely feel a lot of guilt in the beginning for setting boundaries. Accept it then LET IT GO! This will become easier with time as you practice, I promise. They let us doing it with kindness. Keep the focus on your feelings and needs. Setting a boundary is about communicating what you need and expect. In the process, it may be important to gently call out someone’s hurtful behavior, but that shouldn’t be the focus. Focusing on what someone has done wrong is likely to make them defensive. Instead, lead with how you feel and what you need. Be direct. Sometimes in an effort to be kind, we’re wishy-washy and don’t clearly ask for what we want or need. Use a neutral tone of voice. Your tone of voice may be even more important than your choice of words, so pay attention to how you’re saying it as much as whatyou’re saying. Try to avoid yelling, sarcasm, cursing, and other signs of anger or contempt; this turns people off from your message — they stop listening and start defending. Choose the right time. Timing is everything. Always consider the other persons needs. If you are determined to work out a codependent relationship you may have to continue to meet specific needs of the other person while they walk out their healing. This can be a tricky path. Especially if there is addiction, mental health or physical disabilities involved. Just remember that practice self love is crucial even more so under these circumstances. Otherwise the relationship will confuse in toxicity and dysfunction. It’s a choice only you can make to decide to stay in an toxic relationship, but PLEASE be sure the road to recovery is MUTUAL, if not, there may be a need to step aside if one does not want to do the necessary healing in order to become healthy.

Healing is Possible

My prayer for all of us who find ourselves in this place of codependency is that we will RISE up and find our FREEDOM to be all that God has called us to be. We all have a purpose and a pain for our lives. Freedom paid a high price and therefore we should be diligent in seeking out and finding our freedom in life. If you find yourself in a place of discovering your true self, BE COURAGEOUS, BE KIND TO YOURSELF, FORGIVE YOURSELF & OTHERS, and practice SELF CARE.

Healing is yours

A Queen, her King and a Crown

I am an old soul trapped in a young woman’s body, or so I think so lol. I’ve always loved time travel movies and although the treatment of women during the 15th and 16th century was not what I would call necessarily great, I would travel there in a heartbeat. I find something about those times mysterious, sexy, exciting and honourable. Men were men and women were women. Men(most) were masculine, honourable, strong, skilled, and most importantly old fashioned when it came to loving their women. Now, do keep in mind most 15th and 16th century movies I’ve watched were romantic, if you ever watched The Outlander, you know what I mean.

The Heart of a Queen

I am going to take a leap of faith here and say that I believe there are still many men in the world today who are looking for an old fashioned woman. When a real woman finds a man she will lay her life down in submission and serve him with her whole heart. In every area she will give him her best. She is loyal and she is fierce to her man. She will make him feel as though he is the only man on the earth. She will adore him and do whatever he asks with dignity. When he is down she will lift him up in whatever way it takes. She will only have eyes for him. She will pour out many words of affirmation to make him feel like he can do anything. She will show such appreciation by her endless affection to him. Her heart is fully in his hands.

Her King

A man is one with honour. He walks in integrity. He is loyal and trustworthy. He will lay his life down for his Queen. He will protect her. He will shower her with gifts. He will love her unconditionally. He will watch over her as she sleeps to make sure she is safe. He will uplift her to those around him. He will put her needs before his own. He will provide for her those things necessary to make their house a home. He will lift up and connect with her. He will listen to her and hear what she is saying and asking for. He will speak kindly of her to others. He will teach his children to honour and respect her.

The Crown

A Crown can be a very heavy with the metals and all the diamonds and stones. In fact, Queen Elizabeth says it’s impossible to lower your head while wearing it and it not fall off. You must always look straight ahead, something a Queen must do when all hell breaks loose around her. She keeps her peace and her dignity.

So how does a modern woman today wear her crown? Does she even feel worthy of a crown, does she see herself as a Queen? Is her self worth based on a man, a career, her children? Does the man in her life treat her like she is a Queen? Or maybe more like a maid servant? An equal? An object of affection? less than? Weak? What happens when a king mistreats his Queen?

King and Queen

The standards of affection have changed over the years between a husband and wife, boyfriend and girlfriend, women and men, however, there are some common foundational qualities that should never be compromised in a relationship such as; LOYALTY, TRUST, COMMUNICATION, and most importantly LOVE. Without these, a Queen can not be a Queen and a King cannot be a King. Their duties, their affections and their rulership over every area of their lives will be unstable and open the door to destruction aka, break ups, separation, and divorce.

A Broken Spirit removes a Queens Crown

As I shared the deep loyalty and commitment of a Queen to her king in the beginning of this post, it’s important to know that it comes with monumental responsibility on the man, her king. When the foundational principles are broken or lacking; loyalty, trust, communication and love, something deep on the inside of a woman begins to break. For some women it’s a sudden realization of the need to break the ties and commitment and move on with their lives. For others it takes a lot longer to realize what’s really happening. They have become broken in their spirit and therefore unable to seek for truth, they are exhausted and hopeless from remaining so long. She can no longer express that unconditional love and desire to please her king. Yet, she won’t give up, she will persist in making it work. She will wait, she will try to change the man, she will continue to keep herself in a place of brokenness because she believes there is no other way to love her king than to lower her self worth, her dignity and self respect, at least that’s what he has made her to believe. Until one day, the Queen has a revelation of who she is, that all along she had another King who has loved her unconditionally even before her birth. This King has been waiting all along. Loving her form a distance. She begins to learn that this King speaks only good of her, he laid down his life for her, he loves her more than she loves herself, more than a man ever could. This King wants to give her whatever she asks for in faith, he has great plans for her, he supports her dreams and he gives her visions. He has a greater purpose for her life and has a great plan. He has opened the door for her to walk in the path she chooses. She now chooses to freedom.

The Demise of a Foolish king

When a Queen removes her crown in the presence of the king, it symbolizes the kingdom is no longer stable. The Queen has made it clear he no longer has access to her or any rights. The king has lost a great treasure by his foolish actions and choices and now must come to terms with the end result, a broken kingdom. The end of an era. The Queen however in her loyalty to a foolish king, does not lose her royalty. She is given a new Crown! Not one made with gold and diamonds but a spiritual crown, a crown that will never rust, never break and one that will last for eternity. The crown of her earthly king was removed for his careless actions. She is not guilty of any wrong doing, except one thing, trying to change the heart of a king. You see, a Queen can not change a king, he is above her and his ego will not change unless he wants too. He is in control of his actions, his thoughts and his words. If he does not guard his character the King above him will eventually remove his crown. He will allow destruction and waste to come near his door.

2 Chronicles 12:14 “He did evil because he did not set his heart to seek the LORD.”

A New Kingdom

A broken queen puts on a new crown for a new Kingdom. She doesn’t look back. She sets her crown upon her head and lifts up her face and shows the world that the king did not destroy her. She has taken the pain and made it her purpose instead of her prison. She is free. She binds her wounds and then let’s them heal and with time she begins to serve a new King. This new King has all the foundational principles she needs to heal, to grow and move on. He is loyal, trustworthy, loving and communicates with her 24/7. She knows in her heart that this King will always be there to the end. That He will never hurt her and now she only removes her crown to serve Him.

And so she gives her new King all of her heart and begins to serve Him.

The Emotional Healing Path

Where to Begin

Where do we begin to heal our wounds both past and present? Do we turn to others like psychologists, clergymen, doctors, social workers, spiritual retreats, books, Instagram….etc etc. As I have been on this journey for many years I have had to climb my way through many different elements and types of healing resources but one lately seems to keep popping up. It’s the focus on emotional healing. This I believe is a biblical form of healing. It connects us spiritually, physically and emotionally, the way God designed us. Too often we focus either too much in one area mistakenly avoiding the others. For many years I focused only on the spiritual aspect of healing. As important as spiritual healing and growth is, it is not solely effective on its own. What I’ve learned is spiritual counsel is great for drawing nearer to God, but it is not the complete path to healing our emotional wounds wholly and completely. The fact is we will never be whole and complete until we arrive (hopefully) in Yehovah’ presence. However, while here, it is not only our responsibility to work on continual healing emotionally it is in our best interest if we want to serve God and others with our whole heart with genuine motives.

The Whole Human: Spirit, Body and Mind

Although in the past, spiritual counsel and the word of God brought me some clarity and shifted some poor behaviour patterns it was not and is not enough to heal from the roots of my woundedness. My soul. Some of you may be thinking, this sounds a little wishy washy so far, God either heals us or He doesn’t. Stay with me. You see, healing is a two way street. I could count on one hand how many times myself or others would walk up to the altar at a church service for healing only to be back at square one a week or even perhaps even hours later. Can I get an amen to that? There are reasons why these “altar calls” do not often set people free or heal them emotionally or physically or let alone keep them free. Healing is a two way street, it takes you and God to do the work, and the “WORK” is where most of us stop dead in our tracks. We don’t want to dredge up those painful memories, but I can tell you that done in a safe space either alone with God or with a trusted friend, there is healing awaiting you.

Here’s the thing, if going to an altar call was the absolute answer to healing our wounds, no one would be broken, depressed or anxious anymore and churches would have line ups for days. That said, do I believe God can miraculously heal people? Yes, I’ve seen it physically and experienced it myself physically, but I have never been emotionally healed at an altar. I am a strong woman of faith, and without my faith, I would not be here today, however, I’ve come to realize that all those altar calls and prayers for emotional healing were not in vain, I just wasn’t given the right tools to access it. Now many years later I have learned from my own pain and suffering that emotions are part of our soul, and our soul is not “born again” like our spirit is, rather our soul is made up of who we are based on our past experiences in relationships, our childhood, etc. It’s a deeper work. Biblical in nature of course, but nonetheless, a conscious effort on our part. It’s a work we do WITH God.

The Body Speaks

I’m going to guess that many more people have experienced physical aliments this past 18 months than they ever have before, especially those under the age of 50. Headaches, insomnia, back pain, bladder problems, digestive issues, neck and shoulder pain, bloating, and sadly even diseases. Could it be linked to the stress and inability to control our worlds circumstances during the pandemic? Over processing the situation, resisting rules, researching outcomes…the list goes on. Why would there be a rise with mental health and addiction during this pandemic? These are all connected to our soul which carries our emotions which in return affects us physically. We need to pay attention to our bodies, they do us the favour of letting us know something is out of balance. This is a gift from God. If your experiencing these types of physical symptoms, tune in to what’s going on emotionally, become aware of your surroundings and what could be affecting you physically.

Patient in the Healing Process

“Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently for the Lord.” Psalms 27:14

As I walk out my healing journey I am becoming more aware of who I am. Both the good and the broken. I don’t say bad because I believe nothing we have learned or grown from, even pain, is not necessarily bad. Pain teaches us to either grow or disconnect and isolate. I have already tried isolation and disconnectedness and it didn’t work so now, I gladly except all the parts of myself, good & broken; hurt, anger, sad, happy, pride, anxiety, peaceful, negative, pessimistic, optimistic, low self esteem, depressed, courageous, judgemental, loving, kind, confident, giving, perfectionist, controlling, forgiving etc etc.

The hope is too create the safe spaces to heal with the time needed and to release those broken places and grow into self-loving, ambitious, loving, caring, humble, kind and a WHOLE woman of God, the way we were intended to be.

My hope is the same for you beloved…life is too short

“He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds.”
‭‭Psalms‬ ‭147:3‬ ‭

Embrace your journey right where you are because where you are is exactly where God wants you…..

His Gentle Whisper

Often times when we are looking for direction in our lives as a believer in God, we tend to look for the answer through indirect methods. That could be a friend, a song, a book, heck even a billboard advertisement. It’s the human way to do so. We are tangible beings and getting answers to life’s biggest problems should come in tangible ways, or so we think.

Are we listening?

The Pursuit

Where do you go to when the earth beneath you seems to be crumbling? Are you facing something right now that is completely crushing you spirit and soul? I want you to STOP & take a deep breathe right now. Close your eyes and repeat out loud, “I need you God, I want you to SPEAK to me”. Did you do it? Did you hesitate? Did you feel uncomfortable? Did you think it was silly? Or do you think perhaps that you don’t need God to speak into your life? It’s quite possible if you’ve never really asked God to speak to you directly that you would feel awkward or maybe even silly. The truth is my friend, if we become still and truly PURSUE the heart of God, He will SPEAK to us.

The Weight of Life

There once was a man named Elijah. He suffered from deep depression, major fear and was in great despair. Many of his friends were murdered and he was being hunted by the very people who killed them. He had no food, no shelter, no place to call home. He was desperate. Have you ever been desperate? Have you ever been depressed, given up hope? Have you ever felt that death could be the better option? It’s a sad thing to think but it’s a truth that many suffer. Sometimes life’s circumstances can really just seem-UNBEARABLE. This man, Elijah so desperately was listening for the voice of God in the noise instead of the still quietness where God can always be found. Elijah listened in the winds, he listened in the fire and he listened in the earth quake, but God was not there.

Where are you listening for God?

If your like most people, me included, we can go to our friends, family and other outside sources to get advice. There is nothing wrong with that, in fact, God can and will use those in our lives to direct and guide us, however, God wants to speak to us in the stillness, in solitude, just you and Him. This is where relationship is built with God. He wants to speak to us directly. It builds our faith, it heals, and it gives us divine direction in our lives. It was at the entrance of a cave all alone and in his desperation & aloneness that God so gently spoke to Elijah. No bells, no whistles, no earthquakes.

God Always Answers

Lately I’ve had to be still, which for me is very difficult. I’m an extrovert and love to converse with others on every level, however, in this season of my life I have learned that it’s absolutely crucial to be in solitude & quietness with God in order to find the truth & seek direction. Sometimes we can even avoid that stillness and even God for fear that Gods answer may not align with our desires. At the end of the day however, Gods answer for direction is the BEST and most rewarding place to be. Where there is confusion and anxiety, it is not from God and if it’s not from God why would we want it.

Beloved, seek, pursue, and knock and God will be found, and He will lead you.

“I am Yehovah, who teaches you what is good for you and leads you along the paths you should follow.”

Isaiah 48:17

Still Waters

Beneath the Surface..

It’s a October 6th and just like any other work day I hit the snooze button 3 times. Force myself out of bed and made myself look half decent in a short amount of time as possible, yes, I’m one of those people who get up at the last minute. So away I go packing a light snack for the shift ahead & pour my tea into my thermos to go.

It Was not just Another day

When I arrived at work it became clear things were different this day. Do you pick up on people’s energy? good and bad?, some call it telepathic, some call intuition, for me I see it as a gift from God. It’s a gift because it warns me of “danger ahead” and also prepares me mentally and emotionally ahead of time. The downside of this is if I’m not right spiritually, it can cause me anxiety and that anxiety can come across as hyper sensitivity. Regardless, I can see and pick up on things people don’t even realize. This gift has been both a blessing and a curse in my life.

There had been a silent storm brewing over the last several months. Coming to work was no longer a place people wanted to be.

It was 6:30pm that Tuesday evening in October and my day at work ended on a bad note. The next several weeks would be a time of complete brokenness and rebuilding. It would be the deepest pit of anxiety and depression I had ever experienced.

At the end of that day, I decided to clear my mind and go for a drive to Mississauga and pick up some Krispy Kreme donuts(don’t judge :)), nothing clears the mind like a delicious raspberry glaze donut right? That would be the last drive I took for several weeks.

What Happened?

As I pulled out of the parking lot, a sudden wave of heat and perspiration began to flood over me and a feeling of passing out along with insane heart palpitations. By this point I remember thinking, I’m going to die. I had to pull over my truck on the side of the highway (I don’t know where) and I didn’t know whether to call 911 or my husband or just let go and realize this was it. Yes, thats how bad whatever was happening made me feel like. At one point I called out to God and said, ok God, if this is it, here and now, let it be your will, and right after that I hunched over my steering wheel and started to take one deep breath at a time.

The Gunk was coming to the Surface

I did make it home that night in one piece and thankfully I am alive to tell the story. But there was a long road ahead of rebuilding and restoring what I had lost, not just over the last several months but years as well. My work situation was the catapult to long road to recovery. I’m still not there yet.

Maybe you are in a similar situation or have been for a while. There is something brewing deep down inside you but you can’t put your finger on it. It keeps you up late at night, it causes you to binge, maybe drink, maybe do drugs. It’s like an elephant sitting on your chest, you know your alive because you can feel the pain of the elephant sitting on you, you see the elephant, you know it’s not good, BUT you can’t move, you don’t know what to do. I want to help and share the tools I am using to get mentally stronger again.

Good news

The Stigma of Depression | Talkspace

I’m here to tell you that you can RISE above your past, your current circumstances and the anxiety of the unknown of tomorrow. It does take a lot of work and it takes consistency, but with the right tools in your hand & some good support, you can make it through whatever you are facing.

Almost two months later since that horrible event, I am coming out into the light again. With persistence, determination and support from my husband and friends and most importantly, my God. I am confident that this storm is slowly passing.

The Tools to RISE from the Ashes

Research is one of my strengths, if I don’t know something I will dig deep and find an answer to my questions. It was no different with this bout of anxiety and depression. It took several weeks to want to even get out of bed, but when I knew it was either MOVE or be still & give up, I knew I had to move.

I want to share with you the first tool I came across on my journey back to a healthy mind. There are two brothers from Australia; one is an ex-depression sufferer, the other a counsellor disenchanted with the current mental health industry. The name of the organization these two brothers built is called the The Depression Project https://thedepressionproject.com/. I highly recommend it.

I’m not even sure how it came up but this resource helped me a lot and the best is it was free. I have battled with depression off and on since childhood and this has to be the first tool I’ve used that actually helped me.

Meditation

If you want to know the greatest tool I had to make it through, it was God. Believe me when I say, he is familiar with suffering. He knows the crushing pain of the elephant. Yes, Yeshua, felt that pain when he drank from the cup of wrath. But I’m not here to convert you, only to tell you that God was and is my greatest source of strength. He can be yours too. I’ll just leave that here.

Physical Exercise

Not much else to say about this tool for overcoming depression and anxiety except that IT WORKS! You don’t have to join a gym or start lifting heavy weights, however, you must walk every day outside for at least a half hour, an hour is recommended but hey, I just wanna encourage you to get out and move.

Here’s an article on the benefits of exercise for your Mental health

A couple last things I’d like to share that have helped me. Sleep! This is a big one, without the right sleep our mental health is immediately in jeopardy. If you have issues with sleep, speak to a naturopath for natural aids. Also you can checkout sleep foundation for more tips.

The eyes are the gateway to the soul. Be aware of what your watching and feeding your soul. Right now, avoiding the news is probably one of the first healthiest stores you can take to better mental health. There’s nothing positive anymore.

Many things I’ve mentioned you may be familiar with but I hope that you have found at least one thing helpful in this blog. I’m always willing to take a chance on talking about mental health. I’m not scared of what people think and I believe it’s time we start talking and doing more about it.

If you need immediate help or you are feeling hopeless please reach out and call this number Find help

Your Brain on Food

Did you know you know you have a second brain? Stay with me ok.

Sadly, some of the things I’m about to share with you may be the first time you’ve heard it. There is some amazing research going on in the background to the connection between the foods we eat and our mental health. We already have a pretty good idea of what happens to our bodies physically when we eat bad foods or not enough of the good ones but what if you were told that you could help slow down or improve symptoms of your loved ones dementia. What if instead of taking a purple pill for acid reflux that all you had to do was include certain foods into your diet and exercise. What if women who suffer with poor cognitive memory, depression and anxiety from hormonal changes or stress could significantly lower their symptoms by eating the right foods and exercising.

The Second Brain

With advances in science around mental health and the connection to the food we eat, doctors, the government and scientists should be shouting it from the roof tops! But, sadly you will have to take the power into your own hands and do your own research because as long as pharma is around, the discovery of food as medicine will never win a Nobel Prize.

So, where is your second brain? you ready? it’s in your GUT, that’s right, your gut(intestines) are the spark plugs to your brain just like the spark plugs are to the engine in your car. Just like the brain has neurotransmitters and nerve cells, so does your gut. The ENS(enteric nervous system, intestines) is the part what controls the digestion system in your gut, it’s also impacted by what’s going on in your brain.

The gut has more than 100 million nerve cells, that’s enough to make you go hmmm. The gut tells our brain whether we’re hungry or not by the hormones that run through the blood stream. Now recently, a study found a new set of pathways that use gut cells to rapidly communicate with the brain stem. If you look closely you will see the “vagus nerve” going all the way down to the ENS system (intestine).

This just blew my mind when I read about this and the strong connection between the two, our gut and our brain. That’s why scientists and researchers will call your gut the “Second Brain”.

Fight or Flight

So now that we know that the vagus nerve connects the brain stem to the abdomen now what? This really is a huge scientific discovery and I could make this blog a book, but hey, thats where I got my information. More and more doctors and naturopaths are sharing these findings in books being written on the subject of gut and brain health. If you’ve ever heard the term, “leaky gut” thats all tied into this research.

The SNS (sympathetic nervous system) which controls the flight or fight system also controls our digestive system. Believe it or not when you are suddenly faced with a fight or flight scenario your digestive system SHUTS DOWN. The SNS system signals the vague nerve to be disrupted and digestion all down the line gets disrupted. If this disruption takes place too often we can end up with a slew of problems from heartburn, IBS and acid reflux to serious life threatening diseases when chronic conditions remain unchecked. This also keeps our bodies from absorbing important nutrients. So where does this all take us and what do we need to do to avoid ending up in a predicament like this over and over?

Stress Management & Mindful Nutrition

These last several months like many of you I have experienced unusually high levels of stress and anxiety. For the first time in years my appetite changed drastically. I’ve basically had no appetite and if I did, I didn’t crave the usual plate of healthy plant based meals & snacks, rather it was potato chips, french fries and donuts. The science behind this is that sugar releases serotonin levels in our brains and makes us feel better. The problem however with emotional eating is the feeling of relief only lasts temporarily until the feeling of the threat(stress) is gone. In many cases the stress(chronic) or triggers in our lives do not go away for a long time and turning to junk food to manage emotional stress is for obvious reasons not healthy. Thats another topic for another day.

The GOOD NEWS is we have the power to choose the right foods to eat to allow our gut and brain to work together in harmony. Stress is inevitable, however, it’s how we handle it that determines the negative effects it will cause to our bodies and minds. If we can manage stress with exercise, meditation, setting boundaries and eating the right foods, we can significantly reduce the risks of disease and slow down or reverse current conditions we may already have.

Click Ways to relieve stress

Have you ever heard of pepitas? I never heard of this term until i turned to plant based foods. It’s actually a another name for PUMPKIN SEEDS. You need to include these tiny super seeds into your diet. They are a triple threat to your gut and brain. Meaning, they have three times as much potassium, calcium and magnesium which all have these minerals are known to delay cognitive decline and boosting the mood. Need a pick me up? grab handful of these super seeds. Before bedtime is a good time as magnesium/calcium have been proven to aid in better sleep. Interestingly our bodies naturally store about 25 grams of magnesium. Sixty percent of that magnesium is stored in our skeletal system and the rest in our muscles, soft tissues and bodily fluids. Today our society has a huge deficiency in this mineral, not so much because were not getting enough in our diet(almonds, cashews, spinach), but remember earlier I wrote about the stress effect on our digestive system disabling our body to absorb nutrients?

Click for More in magnesium benefits and foods to include in your diet. Foods good for your brain.

Mindful Nutrition

So now that we know how stress can affect our gut and how our gut can affect our brain we can now make healthier choices in what we eat and how manage stress and anxiety. It’s important to know that stress and anxiety do differ but both negatively affect our brain and gut. People under stress experience mental and physical symptoms, such as irritability, anger, fatigue, muscle pain, digestive troubles, and difficulty sleeping. Anxiety, on the other hand, is defined by persistent, excessive worries that don’t go away even in the absence of a stressor which can lead to the same symptoms as stress if not properly managed.

If I told you today that the right foods could fight some of your ailments like acid reflux, IBS, relieve symptoms of depression, slow down the decline of your memory, reverse digestive and gastrointestinal issues would you try? I always say that getting healthy isn’t always about cutting out all the bad food, its about including the good ones. Here are some great foods to add to your weekly grocery list. One day at a time, one change at a time can make all the difference in our life or someone that you love.

“To keep the body in good health is a duty, otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear~Buddha”

When the Temperature Rises

What is the condition of your heart? With the changing times has it made your heart hard? Has it softened your heart, has it made your heart anxious?

Regardless of what you believe in during these times of a pandemic, whether you believe masks save lives or they are all part of a bigger story. Whether you believe that the virus exists or it’s the beginning of a new world order, it’s time we step back and really examine what is it God wants us to know and do in this uncertain time in the world.

If we have faith in the God of Abraham, Isaac & Jacob and wait for the battle between the prince of this world & Yeshua, we must not lose our faith & allow our hearts to become hardened & bitter. This is NOT the will of God for our lives.

We must stand strong, brave & united with the Holy Spirit. We must take up our spiritual armour & be prepared to fight on our knees all while keeping our joy and peace. Not the joy necessarily of laughter, but a joy deep down in our soul that rejoices constantly. Not peace that man gives but the peace of God that passes our understanding, despite the despair & sadness in the world that surrounds us.

Coming Clean

True reflection of our hearts & soul are paramount to picking our battles in this earth. Recently it was the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur, the day of repentance, prayer and fasting. A somber time of reflection of the sins we have committed, knowingly & unknowingly. It’s a time to make things right with those you have either wronged or those who have wronged you. It’s a time of denial of self. No easy task. But by the sacrifice of Yeshua,(Jesus Christ) our High Priest we can know that God will cleanse us from all sin. Not by our good works, but the price Yeshua paid. Death.

Refiners Fire

During Yom Kippur I thought of a song called Refiners Fire;

PURIFY MY HEART
LET ME BE AS GOLD AND PRECIOUS SILVER
PURIFY MY HEART
LET ME BE AS GOLD, PURE GOLD LORD

REFINER’S FIRE
MY HEART’S ONE DESIRE
IS TO BE HOLY
SET APART FOR YOU LORD
I CHOOSE TO BE HOLY
SET APART FOR YOU MY MASTER
READY TO DO YOUR WILL

PURIFY MY HEART
CLEANSE ME FROM WITHIN AND MAKE ME HOLY
PURIFY MY HEART
CLEANSE ME FROM MY SIN, DEEP WITHIN

This song needs to be sung with great humility & reverence. It is not just a song but a declaration to God, our Heavenly Father. When we ask these things, we must realize God will willingly do for you what you ask when the purpose is to refine us as individuals, that is Gods will for our lives. God will turn up the fire in your life to burn off those things which are corrupt & hindering our relationship and purpose with Him. That even means the worldly things, like a pandemic. Yes, even that. God has not been caught by surprise of the current situation in our world. God is omnipresent and omniscience, He has SUPREME POWER, always has, always will. Gods purpose in all this is to refine us even more as we prepare for Yeshua’ return.

Make me like you in my afflictions

The Power of Fire

Have you ever wondered what happens when a forest fire takes place? I never knew until recently just how important forest fires can be under the right circumstances.

Forest fires release valuable nutrients stored in the litter on the forest floor. They open the forestcanopy to sunlight, which stimulates new growth. They allow some tree species, like lodgepole and jack pine, to reproduce, opening their cones and freeing their seeds. There is a sacrificial piece to this though, many species will die in this process, The old will die to make room for the new.

Isn’t that familiar to the message Yeshua taught. Yeshua said we need to die in order to gain life. Die to what? Our sinful nature. Our ways. Our corrupt desires. When we die to our old nature, only then can we experience the new birth in Yeshua fully and completely. Then and only then can we begin to even remotely resemble any holiness in our lives. Without God it is impossible.

Dance in the Flames

Thankfully the refiners fire as we understand it is only symbolic, if it we’re real, unless by a supernatural miracle like Old Testament history, we would die. The Refiners Fire however, brings us life in the symbolic death. So yes, all hell can be breaking loose and we can still dance with joy.

Flesh that won’t Burn

In recent months not only have I witnessed believers lose their faith or compromise their peace, myself included, I have witnessed, an anger that does not stem from righteousness necessarily but from control or the lack of it. This is not the will of God for our lives. Does that mean we do not fight for our freedoms & rights as citizens in the land, not at all, God is not a God of passivity. God had men take down thousands of armies & destroyed cities by plagues & fire. There are times we are called to fight in the physical just like King David, but we must remember our greatest way to win battles is by prayer and fasting. Allowing Yeshua to intercede on our behalf before God.

We must die to what the flesh wants.

Trust God

No matter where we find ourselves in the midst of all that is happening in the world, we must not lose our hope. The hope that only comes from God. If we declare that we have hope and faith to the world, than we must execute that in public as well as behind closed doors. We cannot lash out, we cannot mock, we cannot ridicule, we cannot respond in anger, we cannot cuss, we cannot strive with those who are blinded by the prince of this world, we cannot manipulate, we cannot hate.

The world is watching, some are sent by demonic forces to steal our testimony & to mock God, some are sent to find the truth we have and some are sent to teach us.

Let the Joy of your Salvation be your Strength

Keeping your Peace

When Seasons Change

Like most people in the world today, I feel like life has become a bad Hollywood script that I wish would end sooner than later. Changing times are inevitable and if we don’t learn how to adjust and maneuver through it, we risk all that we have fought so hard for, our peace.

It seems since covid hit the scene that so much has not only changed already but everyday things continue to change. It’s hard to know from day to day what the new “rules” are & how to navigate them. One day we’re told masks are useless to now where were told we will get a $500 fine if we don’t wear one.

Proper Perspective vs Media

Pre-covid (did I even just type that?), I watched CNN, HNN, and read many news articles from local newspapers, but after observing and doing some research during the recent lockdown, I came to learn that the mainstream media is nothing but a pawn for politics & those with power & a whole lot of money. Now, bear with me here before you start calling me a “conspiracy theorist”, trust me, I’m one of those, avoid conflict at all costs, kind of people BUT one thing I am, is a woman of justice, and after some long over tired nights of research I began to see that some things just didn’t add up with covid and there were many other shady things that just didn’t make sense. And so my digging began & life became disheartening.

Conspiracy Theorist vs Critical Thinker

It’s strange to say that covid had any kind of valuable purpose with all the trauma, anxiety, depression, financial turmoil, sickness and other traumatic effects, but truth is, it did for me. In a strange kind of way.

When covid first started I was worried for my mother and I believe that this was a very deadly disease and that many people I knew would die. That’s what media does, they blow up the “story” 100x bigger to not only control & manipulate their audience but to get the ratings they so desperately need.

So for obvious reasons, when I heard about the healthcare workers who took care of my mom weren’t wearing any masks and jumping from patient to patient, I left work for a period of time so that I would become her full time caregiver.

When I wasn’t with my mom I had time to start doing some research on statistics with covid cases and numbers and well, things just didn’t add up. Then, things went deeper as I began to research the political world in the US and I began to come across some very disturbing details that were linked to many politicians (Canadian & American),and actors. It wasn’t information I wanted to think or hear about, but I’m glad I did and THAT was one of the purposes covid served me.

The Rabbit Hole

Needless to say, I started going down a rabbit hole that almost 9 months later I haven’t crawled out of and I don’t suppose I will anytime soon, as evidence and research just keeps building a stronger case for some really crazy things that will eventually start to unfold. Anyways, I want to stay on point and stick to the subject of this blog.

Truth can be a hard pill to swallow for many of us, it’s easier to stay comforted by the old and familiar rather than think critically, I know, I was one of those people. If I had to choose a movie character of my personality, it would have to be two, Joan of Arc & Pocahontas. I can vibe with the hippy flower child & I can battle with the patriots. It depends on the circumstances to be honest and with recent events I weigh way more on the Joan of Arc side.

Keeping my Peace

In saying all this, it brings me to the fact that through everything, I have lost a lot of my peace that I once had. Anxiety has come back with a vengeance & some days I wish I didn’t do all that research. I guess there’s some truth behind that old saying, “what you don’t know won’t kill you”. My peace has always been my priority in life. I’ve faced & gone through worse stuff than what’s happening in the world right now, but the truths of humanity has really got me low.

Gods Peace, not the worlds

That’s why I’ve decided to start writing again. It’s a therapy for me along with exercise and therefore I won’t put it off any longer. Everyone has something to say and it’s not that one blog is better than another, it’s a matter of who the reader is & what they can relate too. So if you don’t relate or agree with my thoughts, that’s ok, but if you want to get to know me, or wonder where I’m at, hang on, cause it’s been a crazy ride.

Stay Strong!

As I navigate life during this time, I hope my blogs can bring you a little hope, some inspiration and maybe even some laughs.

Whatever path you find yourself on right now, I pray you choose to allow it to bring restoration, resolve, hope and more love in your life. You can be a warrior & a lover at the same time. It’s absolutely necessary that we never allow our circumstances to harden our hearts & to take our peace.

Blessings!😊