Beneath the Surface..

It’s a October 6th and just like any other work day I hit the snooze button 3 times. Force myself out of bed and made myself look half decent in a short amount of time as possible, yes, I’m one of those people who get up at the last minute. So away I go packing a light snack for the shift ahead & pour my tea into my thermos to go.

It Was not just Another day

When I arrived at work it became clear things were different this day. Do you pick up on people’s energy? good and bad?, some call it telepathic, some call intuition, for me I see it as a gift from God. It’s a gift because it warns me of “danger ahead” and also prepares me mentally and emotionally ahead of time. The downside of this is if I’m not right spiritually, it can cause me anxiety and that anxiety can come across as hyper sensitivity. Regardless, I can see and pick up on things people don’t even realize. This gift has been both a blessing and a curse in my life.

There had been a silent storm brewing over the last several months. Coming to work was no longer a place people wanted to be.

It was 6:30pm that Tuesday evening in October and my day at work ended on a bad note. The next several weeks would be a time of complete brokenness and rebuilding. It would be the deepest pit of anxiety and depression I had ever experienced.

At the end of that day, I decided to clear my mind and go for a drive to Mississauga and pick up some Krispy Kreme donuts(don’t judge :)), nothing clears the mind like a delicious raspberry glaze donut right? That would be the last drive I took for several weeks.

What Happened?

As I pulled out of the parking lot, a sudden wave of heat and perspiration began to flood over me and a feeling of passing out along with insane heart palpitations. By this point I remember thinking, I’m going to die. I had to pull over my truck on the side of the highway (I don’t know where) and I didn’t know whether to call 911 or my husband or just let go and realize this was it. Yes, thats how bad whatever was happening made me feel like. At one point I called out to God and said, ok God, if this is it, here and now, let it be your will, and right after that I hunched over my steering wheel and started to take one deep breath at a time.

The Gunk was coming to the Surface

I did make it home that night in one piece and thankfully I am alive to tell the story. But there was a long road ahead of rebuilding and restoring what I had lost, not just over the last several months but years as well. My work situation was the catapult to long road to recovery. I’m still not there yet.

Maybe you are in a similar situation or have been for a while. There is something brewing deep down inside you but you can’t put your finger on it. It keeps you up late at night, it causes you to binge, maybe drink, maybe do drugs. It’s like an elephant sitting on your chest, you know your alive because you can feel the pain of the elephant sitting on you, you see the elephant, you know it’s not good, BUT you can’t move, you don’t know what to do. I want to help and share the tools I am using to get mentally stronger again.

Good news

The Stigma of Depression | Talkspace

I’m here to tell you that you can RISE above your past, your current circumstances and the anxiety of the unknown of tomorrow. It does take a lot of work and it takes consistency, but with the right tools in your hand & some good support, you can make it through whatever you are facing.

Almost two months later since that horrible event, I am coming out into the light again. With persistence, determination and support from my husband and friends and most importantly, my God. I am confident that this storm is slowly passing.

The Tools to RISE from the Ashes

Research is one of my strengths, if I don’t know something I will dig deep and find an answer to my questions. It was no different with this bout of anxiety and depression. It took several weeks to want to even get out of bed, but when I knew it was either MOVE or be still & give up, I knew I had to move.

I want to share with you the first tool I came across on my journey back to a healthy mind. There are two brothers from Australia; one is an ex-depression sufferer, the other a counsellor disenchanted with the current mental health industry. The name of the organization these two brothers built is called the The Depression Project I highly recommend it.

I’m not even sure how it came up but this resource helped me a lot and the best is it was free. I have battled with depression off and on since childhood and this has to be the first tool I’ve used that actually helped me.


If you want to know the greatest tool I had to make it through, it was God. Believe me when I say, he is familiar with suffering. He knows the crushing pain of the elephant. Yes, Yeshua, felt that pain when he drank from the cup of wrath. But I’m not here to convert you, only to tell you that God was and is my greatest source of strength. He can be yours too. I’ll just leave that here.

Physical Exercise

Not much else to say about this tool for overcoming depression and anxiety except that IT WORKS! You don’t have to join a gym or start lifting heavy weights, however, you must walk every day outside for at least a half hour, an hour is recommended but hey, I just wanna encourage you to get out and move.

Here’s an article on the benefits of exercise for your Mental health

A couple last things I’d like to share that have helped me. Sleep! This is a big one, without the right sleep our mental health is immediately in jeopardy. If you have issues with sleep, speak to a naturopath for natural aids. Also you can checkout sleep foundation for more tips.

The eyes are the gateway to the soul. Be aware of what your watching and feeding your soul. Right now, avoiding the news is probably one of the first healthiest stores you can take to better mental health. There’s nothing positive anymore.

Many things I’ve mentioned you may be familiar with but I hope that you have found at least one thing helpful in this blog. I’m always willing to take a chance on talking about mental health. I’m not scared of what people think and I believe it’s time we start talking and doing more about it.

If you need immediate help or you are feeling hopeless please reach out and call this number Find help

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